We're all going on a summer holiday!!

So it has been a very long time since I updated. I have started a new post now and then but just gave up!

 But now I have lots of awesome photos and I just had an awesome week :D

So as i said before I sold some clothes on eBay a while ago, hoping to make at least £45 to afford the flamingo dress I wanted ( I got it for £36 instead of £45 in the end wahey!). However I made £150ish and I booked me and Matt a little holiday at the seaside.

I have been counting down over 8 weeks EIGHT WHOLE WEEKS, and now it has come and gone.

On the plus side I lost 52lbs before I went away :)
I do feel like a different person at the moment. New me and new clothes and a much happier me!

I reached my goal weight and a little bit more. Although I imagine I may of put a little on this week from all the ice creams ehehe!

So the weekend came and whizzed by really quick and then it was Monday. I had a few things to do Monday morning (dentist and doctors) and we had lunch at Pop Inn Cafe. Then we headed to Morrisons and picked up one of their personal pizza's and headed to the caravan park! I also took my leggings off and put on some clear tights (very big deal for me! I haven’t shown my legs off, well ever as an adult I don’t think and I just thought sod it!)

We got there around 5ish and it seemed like a lovely park and the caravan was just lovely and clean and just really nice. I was really impressed when we got inside and we unpacked and settled in quickly.

I made our pizza which was quite funny as it didn’t fit in the oven and I ended up cutting it into two and after we ate we went to explore and wondered down to the sea front and along the beach.

The beach was actually so lovely, we had to walk a little further to get to the nicer bit but it was lovely, clean and sandy. The weather had been so warm on Monday that it was very pleasant by the sea and in the evening. We headed to Tesco to stock up on some food and milk for my coffee!! And when we got back I was just exhausted. I had woken up at about 8:30 with excitement and then a busy day and a 2 hour drive pooped me out!

Tuesday we woke up and the weather was glorious. Matt said he didn’t fancy swimming nor staying in so we decided to head to the pier. We did however stop off at the caravan park sales office where they had an event on and we got a free burger and reviewed some caravans!

The pier was very close to the park and very surprisingly it was free to park there for 3 hours. There was a lovely garden area running along the top which we walked along. We played some games on the pier and got some good price bowling with a voucher I had! We then headed off to the beach where we sat and enjoyed the sunshine for a while! And of course we also indulged in an ice cream.

We headed back after a while. I managed to get myself covered in sand which was very uncomfortable and we bought Doritos and stuffed our faces while watching TV. I then made stir fry for dinner and we just chilled out and watched the film ‘World War Z’

I would also like to point out I went COMPLETELY bare legged (well I had little cycle shorts under my skirt for modesty ehe!) My tights ended up getting ripped and at £2.50 a go they aren’t cheap for only 1 – 2 wears. Matt said there was literally no difference between tights and no tights so I went bare legged and it was good actually I really enjoyed it! Its just lovely having the sun and air on your skin when it is so warm!

So I had planned to go to Colchester Zoo on the Wednesday. It was quite pricey to get in so I used my club card vouchers and I had exchanged £10 worth and got £40 of zoo vouchers which got us both in. The zoo was beautiful! Again I went bare legged and after an hour or so of thinking ohh no people will look I eventually went BAH WHO CARES my legs look quite good. The weather wasn’t quite as nice as the days before but that was nice as it meant it stayed fairly cool and we didn’t over heat walking round the zoo.

We were very lucky and each area we got to it was feeding time or show time or however you want to put it!

First were the penguins and they were so funny, I noticed the sun was shining off my necklace onto the wall and the penguins went mad for it chasing it up and down.

We didn’t get too far after that and Matt was feeling a little over hot and tired so we stopped for lunch. We ended up with fried chicken as most the food places were out of season. However it was an ok price and tasted pretty good!

We then went on and I got to feed an elephant and a giraffe which was pretty freaking epic :D

I have to say though if I went again I would defiantly take a back pack or a tiny bag. My bag isn’t overly heavy at all but after having it on my shoulders for hours on end my back was in agony by the end of the day. I got some lovely photos to remember such a lovely day by.

After the Zoo we headed for the town center for pizza express (yet more Tesco vouchers haha) we also whizzed into Burtons and grabbed Matt some new jeans as his had ripped and after a very stressful drive (trying to find parking) we made it to pizza express and I had a lovely meal there. We then headed back afterwards as I was pretty tired and again spent the evening just chilling out (stopped for ice cream) and watching TV.

Thursday was meant to be a bit raining and what not but yet again it was beautiful. We couldn’t really think of what to do so headed down to Walton-on-the-Naze. We had a light lunch and walked down the pier. I indulged in a 99 with a flake as I felt it was a must do on a seaside holiday :p

We weren’t that impressed with Walton-on-the-Naze so we headed back to Clacton pier…. Popped back to the caravan and picked up some beer and cider, towels and something to read. On our way we also looked into a tower near the caravan. It was only £1 to get in and then after we went back to the beach and I just laid in the sun. Unfortunately the bad weather that was predicted did start to show its face and the temperature dropped as the sun went behind clouds. I did however manage to finish my cider and had a flick through my magazine.

Originally we were going to sit on the beach till 6ish and go for dinner in prezzo but instead we headed back to the caravan as it got quite chilly with the wind.

We did however head back later and went for our last evening meal and we tried Prezzo for the first time. We got an awesome price for our food with Matt’s taste card. The starter was GLORIOUS but I found the main too salty. However the desert made up for that!

We then took one final walk along the beach and I had a final paddle in the sea and then we went back to the caravan started to re pack and tidy up and then put on the film ‘Welcome to the punch’

Although I didn’t want any rain during the day we were both sooo hoping for rain in the evening. Rain on the caravan is just the nicest pitter patter sound! And as the film finished up and we were cuddled up the rain thundered down onto the roof!

We woke about 1am and headed to bed…. I then got up at about 8am (the bed was very uncomfortable to sleep in alas) and we packed everything up and left about 9:45am (we had to be gone by 10am).

We made one more trip down the coast to Toby Carvery and enjoyed an all you can eat Breakfast Buffet! The sky was grey and it was pretty nippy which made it a tiny weeny bit easier to leave.

I won’t lie, I’m feeling pretty down. I ended up being let down at the weekend and that added to the fact that my week away came and went in the blink of an eye I’ve been pretty BLAGH all weekend.

I am feeling differently though, especially as I have realised I do have the confidence to wear whatever I want! I’ve wanted for years and years to have my legs and arms out in the summer and not to feel like I need to cover up! It was just such a relaxing time. Its now pretty crappy feeling being back at work (and back to the gym tonight) and knowing the holiday is gone (I spent the last 3 weeks KNOWING HOW CLOSE THIS HOLIDAY WAS!)

However I will end on a positive even though I am on a massive come down. I saw How to Train Your Dragon at the cinema at the weekend and it was just well, AWESOME…. My new favourite film.

I even wore my Turtle Tee T-shirt with Toothless on it for the event.

Its only 13 weeks till France now and my Birthday and in-between we have London Film and Comic Con, Hyper Japan and EGX Gamer Expo.

Happy Summer Holidays one and all :)

Years are changing faster than I can keep up!

In the last year and the last few years things have changed dramatically for me. I've wanted to kinda get this 'off my chest' for a while now.

Its always scary and seems like the biggest thing you've done, going to college, moving away to Uni. However when you have to join the adult world and everything in your life changes, literally everything that is the scariest thing.

So two years ago I was working towards finishing my degree. I had one more month to get it all wrapped up and then I had my end of year show and my graduation to attend (as well as the worse sun burn I have ever and will ever have!!)

Although I was 23 I did not feel like an adult at all. I was still a student and my future just seemed like a million miles off. I had been saying ‘Oh I’m a student getting a degree’ for years and years…. Then it was scary because within months I would have a degree and I would be chucked out into the adult world and made to work five days a week.

But here I am second job of my career. A job I actually really quite like (compared to the first job I had). My first job they knew and I think they could see I was new to all this and nervous and pretty useless at first.

Now I've gotten into the swing of things and I am treated like an employee, where I am now and not like a child. I also feel much more valued and in control.

So it’s scary to think where I was 2 years ago. 2014 is a big change for me. New job, new outlook on life and saving saving saving to hopefully have my own place by this time next year! I am so desperate now to get out on my own with Matt. Have my own space and my own life.

My inner self has also changed which is partly to do with my outer self. I go to the gym twice a week now. If you had told me that a few years ago I would have LAUGHED in your face. I avoided any conversation with the topic of working out and exercise. I was embarrassed I was so over weight and did no exercise at all. I did nothing to look after my body.

Now I eat much better and I work out as hard as I can twice a week for an hour. I am beginning to really see the benefits. Plus before that I swam twice a week for an hour each time from August to November. So in 4 months’ time I would have been exercising and looking after myself for a year! I didn't know I could have the dedication or motivation to do that! The way I view myself is much better and higher than it used to be. I felt fat and ugly and just a useless lump. I still have ‘lump’ days but now my confidence and self-esteem has sky rocketed. I am working really hard on my mental balance with this at the moment. Although losing weight has been a MASSIVE factor in this, when I stop losing and plateau the insecurities creep back and the confidence slips. I will not allow this again, and I will keep the weight off and just focus on looking after myself now.

Moving on to weight loss which is a massive thing to me... In my first year at Uni I put on 2 stone when I got a new car and learnt to drive. Laziness and the new found freedom to go and buy food whenever and wherever I wanted was obviously too tempting and I literally lost all confidence and love for myself. I started wearing baggy clothes and black, a lot of black. Clothes started to become a problem to buy too. I started to creep into plus size clothes and I never saw anything I liked. Although it is 'only' clothes, wearing things you don't like just to hide yourself begins to drag you down. You want to show off you and your personality and it's just hidden beneath so many negative thoughts.

So it was hoodies and clothes that I could hide in. I hated summer and enjoyed winter when I could pile on more layers. My doctor politely suggested if I could I could lose some weight and it was a kick in the bum. I started swimming, changed my eating habits and dropped 1-2stone. I got back to what I was more or less before I put on 2 stone. But it didn’t take long to get unhappy again and this 'change' didn't last long. Clothes were still a slight issue and I still felt like a ‘lump’ next to friends and family.

I hated it and when I was asked to be bridesmaid I was so excited to see my best friend get married. However the fear of looking for dresses washed over me quietly. The dresses that were picked were lovely, but they were WAY out of my comfort zone. I SQUEEZED into an 18 which was the largest size they did and when I looked in the mirror I just wanted to cry. I am grateful for the dress bought for me and I am touched and grateful to be asked to be a bridesmaid, but the insecurities that I had just torn me apart inside a pure fear of wearing something that showed off everything I hated about myself rather than hiding it was terrifying. So I got it in my head a panic to lose 51lbs before the wedding. I did really well and lost over a stone in a few months but hit a massive road block with Matt. That was hard enough and I stopped losing weight alas. It gave me enough confidence to feel less fearful of showing parts of my body I hated off but it was still there in the back of my mind. (Although it was worth it to be Laura’s bridesmaid).

Over the next year I did a bit of ‘healthy eating’/dieting on and off and lost around 20-30lbs in total (plus the bit before whne i first started) and in August last year I just kicked it into full force. I was proud of myself and I felt amazing. I lost around another 1-2 stone. Anyway in total so far I have lost 5 stone. I have toned up and gained a sense of pride for my body. I don’t feel any different and when I look in the mirror I don’t see any difference either.

But I know there is a difference, I've gone from a dress size of around 18 to 14 or even sometimes a 12. My old clothes don’t fit and I have a new sense of style, I want to try clothes that I have always a avoided for fear of making me seem bigger. This winter just gone I rocked some jumpers and now I am dress obsessed. The outfits I always felt to ugly to wear and feel like I can wear them now and tbh I realise I could of worn them whenever I wanted to because in actual fact I was never too ugly that was all in my head. I can now go shopping and rather than not buying anything because nothing fits, instead it’s because I haven’t seen anything I really like or that it did quite suit me the way I thought. I have enough choice now I don’t feel the need to BUY IT BECAUSE IT FITS and then buy it 4x over because once I wear it to death I won’t be able to find something that fits that well again. There is a lot more choice for me now!

I have had a bit of a shopping SPLUR since the autumn. People may laugh but DAMN IT I’M ALLOWED I earn my own money now and I finally am buying clothes that I LOVE AND ADORE dressing in a style that I have always wanted to dress in but shyed away from because of my lack of self-confidence, plus there is much more choice for me now (and my old summer clothes no longer fit). I threw out most my hoodies keeping only a few to lounge around in and got in some skater skirts and dresses. I feel cute and girly now and I feel pretty with a quirky edge to the way I look. I finally feel the way I have always wished I felt. This is big for me after spending all my teenage years and most my adult life HATING every inch of myself and WISHING so hard to be someone else. To finally feel comfortable in my own skin and to have people online comment on my dresses and hair; the way that I look at other people I admire online just throws my confidence through the roof.

This is all come through self-confidence I found. I found mine from growing up, proving I could get myself well educated with a degree, prove that I can GET a job in design and do well at it! Then I the weight loss and looking after my body has allowed me to wear what I’ve always wanted to wear and be who I always wanted to be.

I do wish I could sit down with myself though and get this ‘loving your body whatever way it is’ message into my head years ago. I don’t regret losing weight and getting fitter, but I do regret how long I let myself hate me for just because I didn’t like my body.

However 2014 is the year I WILL GO OUT in the summer with no cardigan on and maybe no leggings on! It will be the year where I excel at my new job, illustrate more and sell my designs. It will be the year I pay off this DEBT that has been hanging over my head for years and years now and it will be the year where I FINALLY look at getting my own place. It will be the yeah I love myself and start my life.

Bank Holiday Easter and what nots

I haven’t updated in quite a while so and hey it’s a Friday post not a Monday post. Wahey.

I am counting the days down till the weekend. Alas this time last week it was the Easter bank holiday and it was sunny rather than this disgusting grey fog and rain. I was also at home.

The Easter break was exceptionally pleasant; although it was quiet I really enjoyed it and appreciated the relaxing time. This month has been tough one; money wise and I put some bits on eBay in hope to afford my flamingo dress. I ended up making well over £100 and was thrilled. I haven’t got my dress as of yet, but I did put the rest towards a holiday! It’s only a little holiday to the coast for 5 days in a caravan. I have used my club card vouchers for money towards pizza express and entry into a zoo. I have been craving some space and just time away on our own with Matt and I AM SOOO EXCITED. I am going to try and kick my healthy eating into full swing and I want to lose 12lbs before I go! And once I do that I will reach my ultimate goal the goal I set at the beginning over 50lbs away that I honestly thought was unachievable! But I’m close I’ve been close since December but I haven’t really got back into it since Christmas so now I have 2 months to do it! I know it’s doable and I WILL DO IT!

So Friday I saw a friend and then me and Matt saw Spider Man at the cinema. It was really good and I really enjoyed it! It was quite shocking at the end I wasn’t expecting that!

Saturday was quite relaxed I had to go and post all my eBay parcels but other than that I didn’t do much. I did however make a delicious stir fry! And Then Easter Sunday was spent as usual with my Grandma and Family. We had a delicious roast and I was SPOILT with chocolate so much so by Monday I was SICK OF THE STUFF!

I LOVE LOVE MINI EGGS, and although I love them I am glad they are out of season now! No more till next year. But I was very excited to receive this rather large egg!

After getting home Sunday we headed off to the cinema again and saw transcendence, to be honest it wasn’t very good. I mean it was ok but not great.

Monday we were feeling rather full and lazy and just wanted to get out for a bit so we went to beaver water world. It was a tiny place and saw some animals like merkats and reptiles (no beavers though??), it was a nice though and the money goes to the charity looking after these animals. The sun was out to and we had a coffee sitting outside which I have missed all winter!

It was back to work Tuesday and it’s been a loooong week. Dylan had to be put to sleep on Wednesday evening, I was gutted and my sister was exceptionally kind and paid the £140 (it was out of hours) poor little man his tumour split. So yesterday and today I haven’t been quite as cheerful as I could have been. I do really miss him and now I have none and I feel a little empty now. Plus he was just so lovely I miss him a lot.

But I know he is pain free now and I hope he is somewhere nice and I hope it’s full of strawberry popcorn!

So this weekend is another quiet one. I need to save money as this last month has left me in the red and I need to put a bit of money away for my holiday!

I will end with two pictures that cheer me up.

My sister is looking after a friend’s hedgehog! He was soooo freaking cute and sharp!

And a motivation boosts to see how far I have come! Because sometimes I put myself down too much and forget how far I have come!

Happy Weekend!

End of an era to my furry friends.

So I want to say goodbye to the era and good bye to all my furry friends.

I wanted to write a big memorial but to be honest I just wanted to say that I loved you all dearly. You bought such joy into my life with your personalities and characters. I hope I gave you all a happy loved home and life.

I want to say thank you to all my roo’s for just being amazing fascinating little creatures and being part of my life.

Last night Dylans’s ( lil D / Rubbles) tumour split. There was a lot of blood in the cage and he was very lethargic and seemed in pain. It’s sad when they pass away but when I’ve had to make the decision to have them put to sleep that has just killed me a bit inside. It is also heart breaking because he was the last one I had and now it’s all gone and over with now. For the time being I won’t be letting any more furry friends into my home.

I don’t really believe in a god, but I do believe in the idea of ‘Rainbow bridge’ I believe animals are too innocent to just die, so I hope they are all there happy reunited with cage mates with all the strawberry popcorn they could ever want.

I’m pretty drained today after last night saying goodbye is so hard even when you are saying goodbye to a tiny fluff ball.

So R.I.P all my roo’s and thank you for leaving me with so many enjoyable and happy memories.

This should just be a Monday Pot blog. HA!

It’s Monday again. I might as well rename this blog THE MONDAY BLOG. I don’t do anything interesting I the week. Well to be honest I don’t do much at the weekend either.

Anyway.. I actually had a lovely weekend. By the time Friday rolled around I was just exhausted. Beyond belief. Seriously poooped. I know this as a fact as I fell asleep at about 21:30 woke at 23:00 (which I was pleased about as I had wanted KFC all night and I was in turmoil if I should get it and by the time I woke up it had shut so fate had decided for me..!) and then got into bed properly and slept till 8am when I popped to the doctors and was back by 9am and went back to bed till 11am. So I clearly needed some sleep.

Saturday I made Lunch (cooked breakfast bacon and what not) then we cleaned the room a bit and planned to go to the cinema to see Non Stop at 21:20. We left a bit later than planned, however it took me 30-40minutes to bloody park. We had planned on going to Nandos and we are SOOO SKINT at the moment it was a real treat I had been looking forward to all week. Alas that left us with 50minutes to eat and with the queue coming out the door we headed to TGI Friday’s who had a 30minutes wait for a table so it ended up being Pizza Hut. Now I do like Pizza hut but when I spent an hour curling my hair putting on a nice dress to go and sit in pizza hut it was a real let down. Plus I paid £26 for food I didn’t particularly want as I had my heart set on Nandos. By the time the food came it was 21:10 and we had to just gobble it down so I didn’t even get to sit and enjoy it. Alas.

We were 15minutes late for the film but the trailers were still playing so we didn’t miss anything. I was a little doubtful about the film but it was actually REALLY REALLY GOOD! It kept me on the edge of my seat and I really enjoyed it! I think it is well worth seeing!

Sunday was quiet, we went from Sunday Dinner at my Mum’s and then just spent the afternoon at home not doing much. We did however in the evening watch the rest of season 2 of Game of Thrones. I’m REALLY enjoying that TV show. We are going to start season 3 tonight.

My sister is having a birthday meal on Friday which me and Matt are going to so I have that to look forward to, other than that a quiet week and the long bank holiday in 2 weeks’ time HURRAH!

I will end on this thought and my Monday wish list.

WHY when you go shopping or just in general and you have money you don’t really want anything or see anything you want. BUT when you are skint, like I am this month ( I am SO INSANELY SKINT SERIOUSLY) do you fall in love with a BEAUTIFUL dress that’s bloody £45. AHhh well next month it shall be mine! Bwhahaah

Feeling under the weather

Monday morning again, I always seem to start my posts on a Monday. The weekend just gone I feel like I was scammed out of a weekend.

Friday I was EXHUSTED and I went to see Captain America after work. We booked tickets for 11pm so we could try the DBOX seats. I was a little worried this was going to be too late as I was knackered but I had a nap beforehand and the film was so good It kept me awake. Also the fact the seats were moving and vibrating most likely helped hehe!

I really enjoyed the DBOX seats. I don’t think I would regularly pay the extra to sit in them, but they were fun!

We got back about 2:30am and I woke up later Saturday just before lunch time. I had to pop to the opticians and then me and Matt had a fry up. Yes I was meant to be being healthy and no I did not stick to it. It was amazing though! Bacon, chips, egg and fried mushrooms. My stomach is growling for more right now.

I agreed to babysit that evening. The family are lovely and the kids are adorable but I think when I only have 2 days off a week it REALLY sucks into my free time. I’m not sure I would do it again or too often at the weekends. I feel like I need that time to myself or for me and Matt. I was disappointed with my dinner (I took a microwave meal) so we popped to McDonalds when I got back  and forgot the clocks went forward so I technically got in again at 2am.

That night I woke IN AGNOY with stomach cramps and ache. It kept me up during the night. I thought it was eating such awful food so late but I am still feeling under the weather today so I don’t know what it was.

But Sunday morning I was still feeling bloated and horrible and lost my appetite. I haven’t had a bad tummy or been ill but I have just felt about 20 stone and tired and achy. I did however force myself up and into the shower and got ready to take my mum out for mothers day!

Mum and Dad

Sarah, Mum and Me

Sarah and Me

Taking my space dress out for an outing (didn’t feel glamorous in it though alas as I was so bloated.)

The food was lovely and although I wasn’t really feeling it I still goggled down dough balls and a large pizza and it was delicious. I had to pick the goats cheese off my pizza though as I discovered I didn’t like that! I think my Mum really enjoyed it which was cool.

Might try and do the same for Father’s day a my Dad is way too hard to buy for. Haha!

So the finale The Walking Dead and My Mad Fat Diary is on tonight. I CANNOT WAIT FOR TWD! Seriously I have been so tempted to look on Tumblr today but I shan’t! I also have the gym in between both boo hiss!

Also I have got rather into POP FUNKO figures again. I can’t wait for conventions this year to get some more!

I was naughty last week and got Daryl and Daenerys Targaryen. I will be on the hunt for more at MCM and also LFCC.

And I will end on a VERY HAPPY NOTE that made my week tbh. DAVID HEWLETT is going London Film and Comic Con. He is one of the people I would like to meet the most! He plays one of my favourite characters ever! And tbh it will make my summer meeting him WAHEY!

I can't wait for the weather to get nicer and the convention season to start!