Half way through the year, half the year to go!

Life has been quiet of late and we are now well and truly half way through the year. Yet again that is terrifying as I do not know where the time went. Goodness me. I have some slightly sad news, I wrote back in March about an amazing opportunity I had to go to Singapore. Unfortunately due to circumstances changing we have had to cancel that trip. It is a real shame as I was really looking forward to going somewhere completely different and having a whole new experience. However it isn’t going to happen now and Matt and I are back on the path of saving up to go to Florida instead again.

Other than that I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the resolutions I made at the beginning of the year,.

Saving for a once in a life time holiday

So I guess this hasn’t exactly happened as I stated above. We were planning on saving for Florida but as I said above with the trip to Singapore we stopped… however back to it now.

Making sure I enjoy my free time and get out and do more

I’ve been not too bad at this. I have been out and about much more than last year and now I don’t have to save for Singapore anymore so we will be going to Hyper Japan and other similar events so I am looking forward to that! I went out with some friends after work too a few weeks ago and plan to do the same in August so I am looking forward to that.

 Continuing with the self love!

This has not been so great this year. I think this year I have struggled with this more than the previous year. I haven’t really shifted the weight I put on at Christmas. I know it isn’t much and a few pounds really don’t make much of a difference but I still seem to beat myself up about it. I makes me forget what I have achieved when I am in this sort of slump. But I am trying, some days I can feel my generally attitude changing so I just need to keep working on it. As I have always said it is a lifelong battle and hopefully with each year it will improve.

Heck as a reminder I found this old picture from 4 years ago today and that really reminds me of how far I have come. 

However sad I may be that my holiday isn’t happening anymore, I do still however have lots planned for the year. Comic con at the end of the month and a whole week off work. I then have some shows in the autumn and the NFL. Shortly followed by a trip to Birmingham to Destination Star Trek for my birthday. I plan to fill my summer with nice things to do too. Perhaps some trips to the coast and maybe even a weekend break if we can squeeze that in!

This year is certainly quieter and less life changing than previous years, but so far 2016 has been going well and I hope it continues!

Body Confidence my thoughts and myths and facts.

Every summer comes and I dread it. It comes and I know I will be battling through the summer sun in too many clothes because GOD FORBID I didn't not cover up. I would wear leggings and skirt and tops. For years I would have a hoody on and give in when it got too hot and wear a short sleeved one when it got too hot. Last year I braved wearing cardigans instead. I never really enjoyed the freedom that I wish I could enjoy in summer.

I thought that’s it next summer I will lose weight and I will be summer ready (took a few summers ahah). I will be bare legged and just in a t-shirt and it will be amazing. To a BIG surprise to me it didn't happen. I may of lost around 50lbs. I’m 2-3 clothes sizes smaller. I have clothes now that I want and more or less everything I want and the styles I like fit me now! But getting my arms and legs out wasn't an easy transaction as I thought it would be.

I decided I would never be ready to go bare legged and instead focused on my top half. I just started with t-shirts. That is a nice in-between I thought, nice and cool without having all the top of my arms out and the added bonus of not getting horrendously sun burnt again. I started off around the house and little trips like to my Grandma’s and to too the super market. It was harder than I thought and now looking back I don’t know what I was so hung up on it!

I eventually realised no one was looking or staring or poking fun at me, actually no one cared and I started to notice people outside in hoody’s in the heat far more than anyone just wearing a damn t-shirt! I had to wonder if they too were insecure.

Then when we went on holiday I longed to have the holiday feeling, not be cramped up in leggings and what not. So on the first day I braved on some skin coloured tights…. I went to Morrions and to my surprise the world didn't end, no one looked or stared and actually maybe I just had regular legs. SO I decided to have skin coloured legs all holiday. Unfortunately my tights ripped that night and could either do ripped tights or just go o’natural. I did however have some biker style shorts from ASOS and I put them on instead. Matt said there was little difference between them and tights so I went with it! I walked along the beach and it felt amazing! Again no one really looked and the world didn't end and I felt less stupid than when I was down at the seaside in my leggings!

Anyway as I was away and ‘free’ on holiday I was fine and I even found myself wishing for smaller legs but correcting myself into wishing for more confidence. I know that is something I can change, why would I focus on something that I cannot. When it came to doing on the way home and going through lakeside I quickly felt very uncomfortable and changed my mind alas. But it was a big step in the right direction!

So the last few weeks I've been debating how much I want to go bare legged for the summer, how much I loved it on holiday. I don’t really like the layered up effect of leggings and I just want to do it so much. The only thing in my way is in my head! But my head is a powerful thing that gets in the way and stops me doing something. I know that I’m not huge and I know that my legs are just legs and to be honest anyone that doesn't like my legs can go stick it! But it’s easier said than done to get over that.

Finally though yesterday I went to the cinema in my new shorts and today I’m at work with just skin coloured tights on. I’m not that fussed about doing it at work because to be honest I don’t really care what I wear but it’s been a big change in my brain. I think I just need to do these things and prove to myself that nothing bad happens and my brain is over reacting.

Rocking out with my legs out! So comfy when it's hot to go to the cinema in!

It is such a free feeling being happy and comfortable and feeling like I fit in with everyone else. I’m so fed up of planning what I wear based on how I can fit leggings and a cardigan into this outfit. Or thinking no I can’t wear that because it wouldn't work with this or that.

Instead I’ve been chucking on a t-shirt and a skirt and at the moment I seem to be sticking to tights they give me that little ‘safety’ feeling that I think I need.

I thought I would just love myself when I lost weight and in actual fact I needed to work on it and I still am but I’m getting there. These hang up I have had for years and just in the back of my mind being miserable because I bought clothes ‘I thought’ I could wear instead of what I wanted to wear is such an amazing feeling. I really am beginning to feel comfortable with myself and I’m just beaming inside! I feel very settled and not like I’m trying to constantly achieve something.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense it’s something that’s hard to express and something I don’t feel like I want to share with everyone as it is something quite personal. It also give me a lot of pride with the weight loss and also the mental changes I am making. It’s also great to not be focused on ‘when I lose weight I will be able to….’ Instead I’m just being me here and now and although I want to lose a little bit more it’s not the main goal and I realise that is not going to bring me the happiness and comfortable feeling that I have been searching for!

SO the myths of weight loss to me were when you do it, IT WILL BRING YOU HAPPINESS. The fact is that actually you need to work on you and how you see yourself! You need to realise that you are amazing and to be honest with you they are just arms and legs and EVERYONE has them! You can be happy you just have to let go of those insecurities! But again that isn’t something that disappears over night! Baby steps seem to be working well for me... one thing at a time. Now it all seems less terrifying. But through all the hard work it is sooo worth it in the end!

Buyers remorse. I have been bad at saving!

I’ve been naughty and been spending money! Which I shouldn't do because I am meant to be saving up! However some of it is a little justified. I thought I would get through summer and make do with my old clothes but when you have a new ‘you’ and clothes that don’t fit they don’t make you feel good about yourself and I just wanted some bits for summer that I would love!

I’ll start with my shorts! I gave it and bought shorts something I would of NEVER worn this time last year. They are one of the best things I own this summer. It has been sooo hot this weekend and these are actually a godsend. They are so comfy and cool and nice to just kick back in. They were from Debenhams and much to my dismay they went in the sale shortly after I bought them but I've already had a lot of wear out of them in the last week!

The next thing is H&M t-shirts. I have sort of given up on Primark now (other than tights and knickers) their clothes I find disappointing and although their t-shirts are a few pounds less than these H&M ones the H&M ones fit sooo much better and much prefer them! I bought a navy blue one in store and liked it so much I order 2 more in grey and purple.

While hunting for the t-shirts in store I happened upon a navy hoody. None of my hoody’s fit anymore except a massive bear one that is only any good in the depth of winter. I saw this and tried it on and just loved the way it fitted. It’s so soft and very thin too so it will be perfect for summer evenings or when autumn starts to come around. I’m not a hoody fan anymore but I still love having them for casual days or trips to the cinema! Alas I do not have a picture of that at the moment!

Next is this skirt. I did buy this in store and was unsure then it went in the sale and was £7 cheaper online so I returned my store bought one and ordered the cheaper one. I worked 2 minute walk away from Debenhams so that’s no hassle, I had to size up and this looks better on me on my hips and to be honest if I wore it round my waist you would see my bottom at the back! It’s a light weight denim and I miss my old denim skirt that now just falls off of my literally! So this should be really nice to wear in the summer and will go into autumn winter too as it will go with tights!

Another Debenhams purchase is these sandals. I saw them at the beginning of the season and they were £30… bit too much when I am saving money! But last night they were reduced to £15 but I was too lazy to get outta bed to find my card to order them. Lucky I didn’t really as this morning they were reduced again to £8 and I got a further 10% off so they were £7ish!! I felt like this was meant to be! I hope they fit well!

The last piece of clothing I bought was this Tee Turtle t-shirt. I got one at MCM back in May and I was really impressed with the quality and sizing and when I saw this, this morning I scream internally and it stole my heart. My love for penguins won again! Damn.

Find the T-shirt here at Tee Turtle

Last thing I got (oh I did bulk buy some tights in primark but that’s a bit boring!) was a portable phone charger. Whenever I go to London and conventions my phones dies in the afternoon. I have to go all day only using it when I have to and it still doesn’t last. I have 4 more conventions this year and I just thought it would be worth the money (it was only £13) So yeah I HOPE that comes before Saturday as that is when Hyper Japan is and it would be a bit pointless if it doesn't come!

So yeah, I've been really naughty! But I am all set for summer now, even though the shops are starting to bring in winter coats SAY WAAA??? It's just awful! But I will continue to enjoy the sun and I will end with my summer time nails I did..... with the ice cream theme!!

Hopefully I will have some snaps of my new clothes while I enjoy the sunshine and YAY HYPER JAPAN ON SUNDAY!