I felt so unwell yesterday I got to work half hour late and
was sent home half an hour later! >.<
Waste of an hour and half drive to and from. But I didn’t
want to call in sick as I have a holiday booked next week and I felt bad, I
didn’t want to ruin my chances of getting to keep this job here! Things have
been soooo quiet for the last two weeks and I am worried that there will not be
enough here for me to stay D:
I’m hoping to get some noms with Matthew tonight and then go
see a film :D probably shouldn’t as I still don’t feel too well and I need to
sleep but I really wanna get out and spend some time with Matt! I still feel
crappy about what I wear and I can’t seem to find anything that I feel I look
nice in :/ boooooooo! I know it’s all in my head and I am a little crazy about
things like this but meh…. It’s so annoying…. I should just wear what I feel
comfortable in, but instead I spend way too much time worrying about what other
people may or may not think about me….. GAH I’m so frustrating and it gets
worse when I’m upset, and I am not feeling that great about the whole me and
Matt situation at the moment!. Booooo
I sobbed in the car yesterday afternoon, I then sobbed in
the café while trying to eat my lunch… He breaks my heart and there would appear
there is nothing I can do about it D: I wish I could go back in time; I would
do anything to go back in time to change things…. Maybe we would even be
looking forward to a wedding soon, or looking at flats. Instead he sees no
future with me. And it makes me so sad because I’m still me; I’m still Toria,
the girl he feel in love with. I just made a shitty mistake that I will regret
till the day I die…. Alas.
So when I get sad like this I focus on stupid things like
the fact I hate everything I wear and own! And I am feeling such hatred for
myself today. Blegh.
Theres still an hour and a half of work left and I cannot
wait to get home….. it gets so stuffy and cramped in her, I hate sitting still
for so long in one little room :/
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