The happy happy happy post

I just wanted to write an update. This Saturday will be 8 weeks in our new flat; this had probably been the biggest change and leap I have taken in my life so far.

So my new year’s resolution goals were:

Loving myself.

My confidence is non-existent. I still feel exactly as I did 2 years ago before I lost weight. I put myself down and hold myself back because I feel down about my appearance. I don’t like photos of myself because I look so much smaller in them than what I see in the mirror. And this is sad and not right and I need to work on this mentally. I want to just be happy…. I want to just feel like a million dollars every day and I know it will be hard because I got confidence boosts from losing weight. Now I need to find it within myself.

I am REALLY trying to work on this at the moment! Like seriously trying. I don’t want to constituently worry about people judging me, worry about what people think about me. I want to wear whatever makes me happy and MAKES ME FEEL AMAZING without giving a toss what others think. I know deep down that people probably aren’t laughing and when I wear a skirt that makes me nervous I am always amazed that no one stares and no one comments, so I realise I build this up massively in my head. I need to get away from that!

Working on my design work

I want to work on some new designs and get perhaps some more greetings card made up and sold. This is something I want to work on but there are a few bigger things I want to concentrate on this year and that I will have to save my money up for!

LIES, I haven’t done this and at the moment I am SO UN MOTIVATED…. Oh well there is always 2016 or I guess there is another 4+ months in the year.

Debt,

this is my next big one. I have paid off around £6,000 last year and a bit the year before. I have just over £3,000 to go and I already have about a quarter to towards this! Once we have paid all this off we will be on track to moving out, which is my next big thing.

Done and done again. Adjusting to a life without debt is weird. I have spent a year saving and saving and saving. I am so used to considering every purchase I make and making sure I can justify it and afford it. I am trying to relax now a bit but still be in control and sensible. It is finding a balance in-between the two extremes I’ve lived in.

Having my own home!

We have been working on moving out for the last few years and 2014 we were really focused. We can afford to move but I want to do it debt free so I am going to pay all my debt off and save enough money to pay for my deposit. I have started collecting bits in the sales (bought all my Christmas decorations haha priorities first huh?).

This is done and I am so pleased. This is what I really wanted to update on. 

The freedom that has come with living on our own is amazing. I feel so relaxed and content and I really look forward to spending time at home. I was worried how easy or hard it would be to maintain and keep the flat clean and tidy. It has actually been surprisingly easier than I thought. There is part of me that is house proud now and I want to live in an environment that is neat and tidy and clean. I don’t want things to build up and become hordes of clutter like it did in Matt’s room.

I am enjoying having large spaces too, I love that fact we have a living space and a bedroom. I think I sleep better now as we lived and slept in Matt’s room. With no TV on in the background it makes falling asleep easier plus having a bed that isn’t falling apart and is supportive and comfortable.

It is nice to sit on a sofa too and enjoy the TV and my laptop! Rather than slumped in bed and weekends are really pleasant as I get up make breakfast and then go and live in the living room. Before I would get up make breakfast eat in bed, make lunch eat in bed and being stuck in that one room would become very suffocating at times and DAMN right boring.

Matt and I seem to be doing well together. There seems to be less everyday stress and we are relaxing more. He is doing more to help me with chores which is really nice and I just feel really happy and content at the moment.

I am so happy with the flat we picked. The price and location is great and the space inside the flat is amazing. Things like the fitted wardrobes are a massive added bonus to me! There is actually room to organise and sort my clothes now. No more keeping them in bags and boxes to keep mold out!

I am very much hoping we will be there for a good few years if not more! I can't wait for the autumn now. I have loads planned for October including my first holiday (time off) in the new flat. Although I had a week off to move I need a break to just rest, no stress just enjoy myself. I plan to go to Nottingham and spend a weekend with Laura. Then Harry Potter studios on my Birthday. Later in the month I am seeing Jack off Jill, going to Tulley's farm and then the NFL football tickets I bought Matt for his birthday! So loads of things to look forward too.

I cannot wait to have my first Christmas in my flat too. I am so excited to decorate and just make the place mine! 

2015 is defiantly the year for me, life is actually going to plan at the moment and I hope that the rest of the year gets even better.

Two more things I am very pleased with that I will add to the end of this post!

I also am VERY happy to say I finally have a new computer. Mine died again when we moved and I thought it was a problem with the charger. I tested it last week with another charger and alas it won't charge anymore. It is so beat up and broken that Matt SO KINDLY offered to put money towards me getting a new one. I am exceptionally lucky to have him and I am really happy to have a full functioning laptop again! I am hoping to update this blog a bit more now!

I was also exceptionally chuffed regarding an old coat that’s actually probably still a new coat.

2 years ago I bought a new coat that I saw on the hanger and just fell in love with it! It was gorgeous and had loads and loads of fur and the lining with silky and had a bow print. I actually wrote about it briefly here It ended up being a real kafuffle as I bought a 12 but it was far too small, I then exchanged but they had none in store so I ordered it online, and they sent me tracksuit bottoms??? By the time I sent them back they sold out online and it took a drive to Kingston one Sunday for me to get a 14. I however again didn’t wear it much as it was still too tight across my back and the whole thing was rather fitted.

I’ve almost gotten rid of it quite a few times, but I thought I’d have a look this year and I tried it on this weekend and HEY IT NOW FITS and it fits well. I am so pleased as I love it and that why I’ve been unable to get rid of it. 

Anyway super excited to wear it again! I am hoping however that the summer actually comes and we don’t go straight into winter!

I hope your week is full of amazing things.

My weird relationship with coats.

I’m going to write a more cheery post today. The funeral is booked for 16^th September so a week on Tuesday. I feel very much like I am in a limbo type place. Not really sad, because I haven’t said goodbye yet but not quite right as I know the time to say goodbye is coming.

But I thought I would do a little post update anyhow. So I wanted to share my new coat. I have a real issue with coats. Last year I bought 3 D:

THREE coats it was ridiculous. The problem was is I rushed in a bought one that didn’t fit that great; I then rushed in again and bought another one I wasn’t 100% sure about. These were mistakes as, as I have learnt I should only buy something if I am 110% happy with it and how it fits. I then bought one from ASOS in January, again I was never 110% sure although this fitted well the material ended up being very uncomfortable, there was also no fur on the hood which is something I really wanted and it was probably a little too big as when I tried it on again this year it I am swimming in it.

Actually it was technically 4 coats ahah, but I got a really fancy Hell Bunny coat for my birthday but this is a special fancy going out coat which I plan on making sure I wear much more this winter!

Anyhow, I was going to try and make do but then I saw one in topshop and just fell in love. I decided to get it as a birthday gift. This was back at the beginning on August and as it was selling out in a size 14 quite quickly from what I saw I picked one up and popped it on my credit card and it has sat in my room for now just in case I spied a better one when the autumn winter clothes were realised.

I popped to pick up a dress I had ordered from new look for the funeral and on my way in a spied another coat that caught my attention. I thought no no I won’t try this one I have mine, its much nicer but then I though ahh maybe I’ll have a quick look. I put it on and the fit was just perfect, it made me realise that perhaps the topshop one may not fit as well as I would of liked. It zips up rather than big buttons at the top so I have more breathing room in it and an option to unzip it slightly I get too hot. The fur is very impressive (although not as nice as the topshop coat). I decided to buy it take it home and compared it. On first glance I thought no, no the topshop one is much much nicer, and I still feel this way on first look when it’s on a hanger, but then when I put it on the New Look one just looked so much nicer. It hangs nicely much more fitted and complementing, it’s longer and the zip feature is great much better and more comfortable than buttons that only do up round my neck. Much as I adore the topshop one I thought, no, I have to go with the more comfortable one because that really does make or break it for me, and I DO NOT want to end up not wearing it again. The other thing that played at the back of my head was that it wouldn’t look so great with hoodys and more casual looks whereas this other one I think would go nicely with dresses and hoodys and even my PJ bottoms when I go to tesco :p

SO the first coat is going back. I feel like this is meant to be as I only have a few more days left to return the first one!

Anyway that was very long winded but I am very excited to wear my coat now, and I’m welcoming the cooler weather (after my birthday as I can’t have it until then)

Excuse the terrible photos!

TopShop Coat

New Look Coat

And then I also found a little gem on Saturday. We popped into Redhil so I could get a vest top. Walking past a shop called Street Talk I spied a dress in the window. Now street talk was where I bought my angry grunger stuff when I was a teenager so I was surprised to be buying something so delicate and lovely in there. I went in found it and tried it on. Little disappoint there was only a S/M but thought it looked like quite a large small medium so I tried it on and it fitted like a glove. It very quickly came home with me! I know what I will be wearing when I go the weekend before France. As you can see it is covered in little birds and palm trees!

Anyway coat caffle done with, I am now very happy and I am also very glad it is Friday!

New job!

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR

So I have been meaning to do a long overdue blog about my new job!

I had planned on writing just after I started but the first week and a bit was all a bit much for me. I almost went running back to my old Job!

So I started on the Friday and came home a bit shaken up! I wasn’t overly surprised as I thought I would be a bit overwhelmed. I was actually really pleased to start on a Friday it meant I had the whole weekend to recover. Then Monday came round and the start of my first whole week. I ended up getting really bad anxiety and panic attacks for the first 3 days. Everything was horrible, I was out of place it was ALL TOO MUCH FOR ME. I wanted my old routine and my old comforts. I ended up in the loo on Wednesday morning unable to contain it all anymore. I felt really silly and just wanted to run away!

We had the Christmas party Wednesday afternoon and then I had my old works Christmas party on Thursday so I got to see everyone one last time.  Have to say though KNACKERED me out!

Luckily I got through my first week (just about) and then the weekend came around. I don’t think it helped either that it was Christmas so everything was up in the air and different because of the time of year.

So I went in Monday and then I had 9 glorious days off. I’m so pleased I had a lovely long break because as I said I felt like I was going crazy.

Anyhoo since coming back in the New Year (went in it gradually 2 days then weekend!) it’s settled down loads and I’m quite enjoying it here. I like the freedom that I can wear what I want and there is more freedom in general here than at my old job.

The people are nice and the office atmosphere is 10x better than my previous job too! I’ve started to drive in 1. to help with settling down and 2. Cause buses suck.

Now I’m gunna end this post with some nice clothes I have been wearing and bought.

I’d like to say now THIS YEAR no more clothes! 1-2 months shopping free, or so I plan/hope haha!

Primark Jumper! Really loved the collar

A Wear Dress. Christmas gift from Ma & Pa

Asos jumper! Loved it and snapped it up in the sale!

New Coat THAT I ADORE. ASOS - Skirted Shape. Perfect for me!

Anyhoo thats all for now!

Boo it's Monday morning. The autumn is coming for sure!

Monday morning AGAIN! Sigh. Weekend was a quiet one, especially compared to last weekend, although right now I am wishing SO HARD that I could go back a week. I would have a lovely meal tonight and my birthday and Lonleat tomorrow. Alas, I do not own a time machine, yet….. so I will have to get on with a normal mundane week.

So I went out with a friend for lunch/dinner on Saturday and me and matt went shopping afterwards. I got myself a winter coat which I wore in the car this morning but it’s really hurting my arm. This seems to be an issue I have in coats and I’m not sure why :/ i think it is because I have quite a broad back alas. I may have to take it back, if its uncomfortable I will never wear it not 100% sure if I am going to return it or exchange it for the next size up! I guess I will have a look at the weekend.

I also got a really nice hello kitty hoody in the sale in Forever 21 reduced from around £19 to £7.99. I love a good hoody to bum around in at home! I also spent my birthday monies on two jumpers I have been eyeing up for some time on ASOS.

I LOVE LOVE the fox one, but it’s more than I usually spend (£35) so I was waiting for a sale, but I noticed a lot of sizes had sold out so I thought I better act quick! And the star one was £22 and just looks really practical and comfy.! They should be here tomorrow so I really hope they look nice on me!

I hope they all look nice! I really like them.

Sunday was very quiet for me, just spent some time with family. And now its Monday and I have to drag my ass swimming. 

My weight loss has slowed to a halt pretty much since France! Now my birthday and holiday are long gone it's time to get back on track. The plan is to turn the 40lbs lost into 50lbs lost by Christmas! :D They that will be a loss of 3.5 stone... Maybe I could make it to a loss of 56lbs and that will be 4 stone lost! We shall see anyway!

I will do a post when my jumper arrive! :D

My new coat

Life seems to be going ok at the moment. Me and Matt have been really good :) I am really hoping maybe he can start to forgive me… perhaps?

I am on some MAGER healthy weight loss kick at the moment. I lost like 1.5stone in around a month back in January/February with plans to lose another 1-2stone by Laura’s wedding. Then all the bad stuff happened with Matt and I ended up eating complete shit and actually putting on around 7lbs.

I’ve been trying to do it again and I have on and off. I’m down to 212lbs ish and I want to get below 200lbs by the end of Christmas and I have a good motivation now. ….My new coat ahah.

Ok so the idea behind this coat was that I wanted THE PREFECT COAT this year. Being a student pretty much all my life has restricted me to buying sale items or Primark or ‘Cheap’ items and this year I wanted the perfect expensive coat that I know will last a few years rather than falling apart after a few months now I have quite a well-paying job,  and I found it, £70 and only available in plus size (which had sold out and would most likely of been too big) and Petite and being almost 5ft8” I am not petite (which is 5ft3” and below.) I may have been ok with a plus size 18, but I was pretty sure as I wear a 14-16 in most shops for coats it would have been too big. Then I found out the girl modelling the coat was 5ft6” and I decided to just give it ago and it came on Friday…. I was 100% sure it wouldn’t fit, but it did pretty much. It’s perfect all-round the body I wouldn’t want it any bigger, the issue is the arms and back, it is quite tight and my left arm seems tighter and actually gets really achy when I have it on… strange…. So it has now acted as a MASSIVE motivator to lose weight because if I can lose half a stone to a stone I think it would fit really nicely. I had dresses that used to cut into my arms and across my back that are now a bit big so hopefully if I try really hard, by Christmas it will fit a bit better J and by January it will be perfect! I hope anyway, it’s not way too tight, and I can move and rive ok in it, it’s just the achy arm that is a massive pain in the ass.!

It really is so pretty and perfect for my body shape and my skirts that I wear. I think it is quite classic so I could wear it again next year! I just hope so much if I lose some weight then it will fit perfectly!

Anyhoo, the weekend was over and done with way too quickly and I really need to sleep. The drive to work this morning was dangerous as I really couldn’t keep my eyes open on the motorway I was that tired. I don’t have much to do today which is a right pain in the ass…… I have a bit to do later and I will have quite a lot to do the rest of the week, but I hate slow days like this when there is nothing really to do D:

Well in about an hour it will be nearly lunchtime and then I can start my count down of the day to home where I will have my healthy BBQ chicken and zoo animals and peas for dinner. Yummy.