Body Confidence my thoughts and myths and facts.

Every summer comes and I dread it. It comes and I know I will be battling through the summer sun in too many clothes because GOD FORBID I didn't not cover up. I would wear leggings and skirt and tops. For years I would have a hoody on and give in when it got too hot and wear a short sleeved one when it got too hot. Last year I braved wearing cardigans instead. I never really enjoyed the freedom that I wish I could enjoy in summer.

I thought that’s it next summer I will lose weight and I will be summer ready (took a few summers ahah). I will be bare legged and just in a t-shirt and it will be amazing. To a BIG surprise to me it didn't happen. I may of lost around 50lbs. I’m 2-3 clothes sizes smaller. I have clothes now that I want and more or less everything I want and the styles I like fit me now! But getting my arms and legs out wasn't an easy transaction as I thought it would be.

I decided I would never be ready to go bare legged and instead focused on my top half. I just started with t-shirts. That is a nice in-between I thought, nice and cool without having all the top of my arms out and the added bonus of not getting horrendously sun burnt again. I started off around the house and little trips like to my Grandma’s and to too the super market. It was harder than I thought and now looking back I don’t know what I was so hung up on it!

I eventually realised no one was looking or staring or poking fun at me, actually no one cared and I started to notice people outside in hoody’s in the heat far more than anyone just wearing a damn t-shirt! I had to wonder if they too were insecure.

Then when we went on holiday I longed to have the holiday feeling, not be cramped up in leggings and what not. So on the first day I braved on some skin coloured tights…. I went to Morrions and to my surprise the world didn't end, no one looked or stared and actually maybe I just had regular legs. SO I decided to have skin coloured legs all holiday. Unfortunately my tights ripped that night and could either do ripped tights or just go o’natural. I did however have some biker style shorts from ASOS and I put them on instead. Matt said there was little difference between them and tights so I went with it! I walked along the beach and it felt amazing! Again no one really looked and the world didn't end and I felt less stupid than when I was down at the seaside in my leggings!

Anyway as I was away and ‘free’ on holiday I was fine and I even found myself wishing for smaller legs but correcting myself into wishing for more confidence. I know that is something I can change, why would I focus on something that I cannot. When it came to doing on the way home and going through lakeside I quickly felt very uncomfortable and changed my mind alas. But it was a big step in the right direction!

So the last few weeks I've been debating how much I want to go bare legged for the summer, how much I loved it on holiday. I don’t really like the layered up effect of leggings and I just want to do it so much. The only thing in my way is in my head! But my head is a powerful thing that gets in the way and stops me doing something. I know that I’m not huge and I know that my legs are just legs and to be honest anyone that doesn't like my legs can go stick it! But it’s easier said than done to get over that.

Finally though yesterday I went to the cinema in my new shorts and today I’m at work with just skin coloured tights on. I’m not that fussed about doing it at work because to be honest I don’t really care what I wear but it’s been a big change in my brain. I think I just need to do these things and prove to myself that nothing bad happens and my brain is over reacting.

Rocking out with my legs out! So comfy when it's hot to go to the cinema in!

It is such a free feeling being happy and comfortable and feeling like I fit in with everyone else. I’m so fed up of planning what I wear based on how I can fit leggings and a cardigan into this outfit. Or thinking no I can’t wear that because it wouldn't work with this or that.

Instead I’ve been chucking on a t-shirt and a skirt and at the moment I seem to be sticking to tights they give me that little ‘safety’ feeling that I think I need.

I thought I would just love myself when I lost weight and in actual fact I needed to work on it and I still am but I’m getting there. These hang up I have had for years and just in the back of my mind being miserable because I bought clothes ‘I thought’ I could wear instead of what I wanted to wear is such an amazing feeling. I really am beginning to feel comfortable with myself and I’m just beaming inside! I feel very settled and not like I’m trying to constantly achieve something.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense it’s something that’s hard to express and something I don’t feel like I want to share with everyone as it is something quite personal. It also give me a lot of pride with the weight loss and also the mental changes I am making. It’s also great to not be focused on ‘when I lose weight I will be able to….’ Instead I’m just being me here and now and although I want to lose a little bit more it’s not the main goal and I realise that is not going to bring me the happiness and comfortable feeling that I have been searching for!

SO the myths of weight loss to me were when you do it, IT WILL BRING YOU HAPPINESS. The fact is that actually you need to work on you and how you see yourself! You need to realise that you are amazing and to be honest with you they are just arms and legs and EVERYONE has them! You can be happy you just have to let go of those insecurities! But again that isn’t something that disappears over night! Baby steps seem to be working well for me... one thing at a time. Now it all seems less terrifying. But through all the hard work it is sooo worth it in the end!

Buyers remorse. I have been bad at saving!

I’ve been naughty and been spending money! Which I shouldn't do because I am meant to be saving up! However some of it is a little justified. I thought I would get through summer and make do with my old clothes but when you have a new ‘you’ and clothes that don’t fit they don’t make you feel good about yourself and I just wanted some bits for summer that I would love!

I’ll start with my shorts! I gave it and bought shorts something I would of NEVER worn this time last year. They are one of the best things I own this summer. It has been sooo hot this weekend and these are actually a godsend. They are so comfy and cool and nice to just kick back in. They were from Debenhams and much to my dismay they went in the sale shortly after I bought them but I've already had a lot of wear out of them in the last week!

The next thing is H&M t-shirts. I have sort of given up on Primark now (other than tights and knickers) their clothes I find disappointing and although their t-shirts are a few pounds less than these H&M ones the H&M ones fit sooo much better and much prefer them! I bought a navy blue one in store and liked it so much I order 2 more in grey and purple.

While hunting for the t-shirts in store I happened upon a navy hoody. None of my hoody’s fit anymore except a massive bear one that is only any good in the depth of winter. I saw this and tried it on and just loved the way it fitted. It’s so soft and very thin too so it will be perfect for summer evenings or when autumn starts to come around. I’m not a hoody fan anymore but I still love having them for casual days or trips to the cinema! Alas I do not have a picture of that at the moment!

Next is this skirt. I did buy this in store and was unsure then it went in the sale and was £7 cheaper online so I returned my store bought one and ordered the cheaper one. I worked 2 minute walk away from Debenhams so that’s no hassle, I had to size up and this looks better on me on my hips and to be honest if I wore it round my waist you would see my bottom at the back! It’s a light weight denim and I miss my old denim skirt that now just falls off of my literally! So this should be really nice to wear in the summer and will go into autumn winter too as it will go with tights!

Another Debenhams purchase is these sandals. I saw them at the beginning of the season and they were £30… bit too much when I am saving money! But last night they were reduced to £15 but I was too lazy to get outta bed to find my card to order them. Lucky I didn’t really as this morning they were reduced again to £8 and I got a further 10% off so they were £7ish!! I felt like this was meant to be! I hope they fit well!

The last piece of clothing I bought was this Tee Turtle t-shirt. I got one at MCM back in May and I was really impressed with the quality and sizing and when I saw this, this morning I scream internally and it stole my heart. My love for penguins won again! Damn.

Find the T-shirt here at Tee Turtle

Last thing I got (oh I did bulk buy some tights in primark but that’s a bit boring!) was a portable phone charger. Whenever I go to London and conventions my phones dies in the afternoon. I have to go all day only using it when I have to and it still doesn’t last. I have 4 more conventions this year and I just thought it would be worth the money (it was only £13) So yeah I HOPE that comes before Saturday as that is when Hyper Japan is and it would be a bit pointless if it doesn't come!

So yeah, I've been really naughty! But I am all set for summer now, even though the shops are starting to bring in winter coats SAY WAAA??? It's just awful! But I will continue to enjoy the sun and I will end with my summer time nails I did..... with the ice cream theme!!

Hopefully I will have some snaps of my new clothes while I enjoy the sunshine and YAY HYPER JAPAN ON SUNDAY!

Comic Con 2014

So Comic Con is over again for another year…. *weep*

You may of guessed that this is going to be a COMIC CON THEMED POST WAHEY!

I’ll started with mentioning that I haven’t been online much at all of late as I have been rather unwell all week. Last Monday I felt like I had caught a nasty head cold a colleague had. No worries I thought it is only Monday. Tuesday felt a little worse and Wednesday I felt terrible and went home. Thursday I did feel a little better but very stuffed up but was still hopeful for the weekend. However Friday I was even worse and again went home from work. I slept in the afternoon and woke up and burst into tears as I just didn’t want to go at all.

However I went to bed at 9am and woke up at 6am and made myself get ready. It took me much longer to get ready and organised and we headed off. Got our pretzel for breakfast and I had a coffee and we were there by 8:30ish. I went on a mission of a walk to find a cash machine and then we were in around 9:30 (door opened at 9am)  I did however put my new Flamingo dress on and I got sooo many compliments on it!

We had a little look around stalls and my photo shoot was at 10:25. I wanted to get the morning one as I felt so rough I didn’t know what I would look like by the afternoon. Had that done and I was super pleased with the photo! I most likely stunk of olbas oil as I had been walking round sniffing a tissue covered in it.

I am really happy with the photo though. I was so excited to meet David Hewlett, I have always said he would be one of the ultimate people I would like to meet.

We then found the photo area with the Game of Thrones, throne and I had my photo taken on that! Again I was pretty pleased with the photo I thought it looked pretty cool, even though I look a little like a puppet in the picture. Ha ha!

We then attempted to go to the stalls to find a plastic folder to put my photos in and it was soo rammed. We did find one and then we went outside to cool down a bit although at this point the sun had come out and it was baking. We went to the shop round the corner to get some water and on the way there my nose suddenly cleared (it was a fairly gross event involved me swallowing it yuck!). I suddenly felt 100x better and all the pressure in my face was gone. I was so pleased I wanted to tell the people in the shop about it ahah! I had to take painkillers all day to get the headache and crappy feeling at bay, but it was far more bearable that feeling like your face might pop any moment now.

We then headed to the Sherlock talk. We queued for about an hour and tbh we were really disappointed. The speakers were awful and we couldn’t hear a word they said or any questions asked. It was a shame and I’m VERY glad I didn’t pay for that!

After we headed out for lunch and I had a delicious salad from subway. My tummy had stared aching from all the pain killers I had been taking but some Gaviscon helped that a lot. I would have the salad from Subway again though it was really nice.

Afterwards we went and did all the stalls. It was so crammed we could barely move of see. We didn’t get much, I got some badges (to replace old ones I lost) and a print and key ring. I also got Jon Snow Pop Funko and a GoT necklace which I loved and for £5 I thought was a bargain. Matt also got a book which I’m pleased about as he usually doesn’t get anything.

I then talked myself into have a autograph with David Hewlett. I usually wouldn’t do both but he is quite a special person for me to meet and he wasn’t doing a talk so Matt talked me into it! There was about an 30-60minute wait so we went an had an ice cream and went back. Luckily we planned it perfectly as we were the LAST people to get one done.

I’m so glad and excited I did it though. His voice was going but he was really friendly and seemed so pleased to be there and meet me. He asked if I had meet many other cool people and I said tbh I was just here to meet him and then I told him that A Dog’s Breakfast was one of my favourite movies and he said it was so much fun to make and he wanted to do a second one and I said he should and he said Yes I KNOW I SHOULD :D

It’s a big thing as usually I can’t ever think of anything to say and I always wish I could!

We then poked round the stalls as it was gone 5pm now and it was getting quieter and we could have a proper look and at 6 we joined the queue for the GoT screening.

The screening was a little disappointing. There was meant to be a ‘special guest’ but they did turn up. The seats were also so small that Matt ended up in agony he said it ruined the whole day that made me a little sad. I have to say I was a little disappointed but it didn’t ruin my day at all.

The cast were quite funny but the episode they picked didn’t have them in it much so they didn’t have that much to say alas.

We then headed off and had pizza express which was lovely and we were home about midnight! It was a long day up at 6am and back at midnight!

I have post con blues a bit at the moment. I am still a little out of it as on Sunday I felt pretty rough again. I thought it was because I over did it on Saturday but Sunday night my ears started to bleed a bit again and they were blocked and I was in a lot of pain. A trip to the doctors and I have ear infection in both ears and a sinus infection. I’m on antibiotics at the moment but I’m not completely with it at the moment. I can’t wait to feel better it has been over a week now alas!

We have a 'Secret Screening' at the cinema tonight so I am looking forward to that! Luckily I feel well enough I think to do that. Well I hope so anyway!

Not looking forward to when post con blues hit but I had another amazing Comic Con and I can't wait for October to do it all again now!

We're all going on a summer holiday!!

So it has been a very long time since I updated. I have started a new post now and then but just gave up!

 But now I have lots of awesome photos and I just had an awesome week :D

So as i said before I sold some clothes on eBay a while ago, hoping to make at least £45 to afford the flamingo dress I wanted ( I got it for £36 instead of £45 in the end wahey!). However I made £150ish and I booked me and Matt a little holiday at the seaside.

I have been counting down over 8 weeks EIGHT WHOLE WEEKS, and now it has come and gone.

On the plus side I lost 52lbs before I went away :)
I do feel like a different person at the moment. New me and new clothes and a much happier me!

I reached my goal weight and a little bit more. Although I imagine I may of put a little on this week from all the ice creams ehehe!

So the weekend came and whizzed by really quick and then it was Monday. I had a few things to do Monday morning (dentist and doctors) and we had lunch at Pop Inn Cafe. Then we headed to Morrisons and picked up one of their personal pizza's and headed to the caravan park! I also took my leggings off and put on some clear tights (very big deal for me! I haven’t shown my legs off, well ever as an adult I don’t think and I just thought sod it!)

We got there around 5ish and it seemed like a lovely park and the caravan was just lovely and clean and just really nice. I was really impressed when we got inside and we unpacked and settled in quickly.

I made our pizza which was quite funny as it didn’t fit in the oven and I ended up cutting it into two and after we ate we went to explore and wondered down to the sea front and along the beach.

The beach was actually so lovely, we had to walk a little further to get to the nicer bit but it was lovely, clean and sandy. The weather had been so warm on Monday that it was very pleasant by the sea and in the evening. We headed to Tesco to stock up on some food and milk for my coffee!! And when we got back I was just exhausted. I had woken up at about 8:30 with excitement and then a busy day and a 2 hour drive pooped me out!

Tuesday we woke up and the weather was glorious. Matt said he didn’t fancy swimming nor staying in so we decided to head to the pier. We did however stop off at the caravan park sales office where they had an event on and we got a free burger and reviewed some caravans!

The pier was very close to the park and very surprisingly it was free to park there for 3 hours. There was a lovely garden area running along the top which we walked along. We played some games on the pier and got some good price bowling with a voucher I had! We then headed off to the beach where we sat and enjoyed the sunshine for a while! And of course we also indulged in an ice cream.

We headed back after a while. I managed to get myself covered in sand which was very uncomfortable and we bought Doritos and stuffed our faces while watching TV. I then made stir fry for dinner and we just chilled out and watched the film ‘World War Z’

I would also like to point out I went COMPLETELY bare legged (well I had little cycle shorts under my skirt for modesty ehe!) My tights ended up getting ripped and at £2.50 a go they aren’t cheap for only 1 – 2 wears. Matt said there was literally no difference between tights and no tights so I went bare legged and it was good actually I really enjoyed it! Its just lovely having the sun and air on your skin when it is so warm!

So I had planned to go to Colchester Zoo on the Wednesday. It was quite pricey to get in so I used my club card vouchers and I had exchanged £10 worth and got £40 of zoo vouchers which got us both in. The zoo was beautiful! Again I went bare legged and after an hour or so of thinking ohh no people will look I eventually went BAH WHO CARES my legs look quite good. The weather wasn’t quite as nice as the days before but that was nice as it meant it stayed fairly cool and we didn’t over heat walking round the zoo.

We were very lucky and each area we got to it was feeding time or show time or however you want to put it!

First were the penguins and they were so funny, I noticed the sun was shining off my necklace onto the wall and the penguins went mad for it chasing it up and down.

We didn’t get too far after that and Matt was feeling a little over hot and tired so we stopped for lunch. We ended up with fried chicken as most the food places were out of season. However it was an ok price and tasted pretty good!

We then went on and I got to feed an elephant and a giraffe which was pretty freaking epic :D

I have to say though if I went again I would defiantly take a back pack or a tiny bag. My bag isn’t overly heavy at all but after having it on my shoulders for hours on end my back was in agony by the end of the day. I got some lovely photos to remember such a lovely day by.

After the Zoo we headed for the town center for pizza express (yet more Tesco vouchers haha) we also whizzed into Burtons and grabbed Matt some new jeans as his had ripped and after a very stressful drive (trying to find parking) we made it to pizza express and I had a lovely meal there. We then headed back afterwards as I was pretty tired and again spent the evening just chilling out (stopped for ice cream) and watching TV.

Thursday was meant to be a bit raining and what not but yet again it was beautiful. We couldn’t really think of what to do so headed down to Walton-on-the-Naze. We had a light lunch and walked down the pier. I indulged in a 99 with a flake as I felt it was a must do on a seaside holiday :p

We weren’t that impressed with Walton-on-the-Naze so we headed back to Clacton pier…. Popped back to the caravan and picked up some beer and cider, towels and something to read. On our way we also looked into a tower near the caravan. It was only £1 to get in and then after we went back to the beach and I just laid in the sun. Unfortunately the bad weather that was predicted did start to show its face and the temperature dropped as the sun went behind clouds. I did however manage to finish my cider and had a flick through my magazine.

Originally we were going to sit on the beach till 6ish and go for dinner in prezzo but instead we headed back to the caravan as it got quite chilly with the wind.

We did however head back later and went for our last evening meal and we tried Prezzo for the first time. We got an awesome price for our food with Matt’s taste card. The starter was GLORIOUS but I found the main too salty. However the desert made up for that!

We then took one final walk along the beach and I had a final paddle in the sea and then we went back to the caravan started to re pack and tidy up and then put on the film ‘Welcome to the punch’

Although I didn’t want any rain during the day we were both sooo hoping for rain in the evening. Rain on the caravan is just the nicest pitter patter sound! And as the film finished up and we were cuddled up the rain thundered down onto the roof!

We woke about 1am and headed to bed…. I then got up at about 8am (the bed was very uncomfortable to sleep in alas) and we packed everything up and left about 9:45am (we had to be gone by 10am).

We made one more trip down the coast to Toby Carvery and enjoyed an all you can eat Breakfast Buffet! The sky was grey and it was pretty nippy which made it a tiny weeny bit easier to leave.

I won’t lie, I’m feeling pretty down. I ended up being let down at the weekend and that added to the fact that my week away came and went in the blink of an eye I’ve been pretty BLAGH all weekend.

I am feeling differently though, especially as I have realised I do have the confidence to wear whatever I want! I’ve wanted for years and years to have my legs and arms out in the summer and not to feel like I need to cover up! It was just such a relaxing time. Its now pretty crappy feeling being back at work (and back to the gym tonight) and knowing the holiday is gone (I spent the last 3 weeks KNOWING HOW CLOSE THIS HOLIDAY WAS!)

However I will end on a positive even though I am on a massive come down. I saw How to Train Your Dragon at the cinema at the weekend and it was just well, AWESOME…. My new favourite film.

I even wore my Turtle Tee T-shirt with Toothless on it for the event.

Its only 13 weeks till France now and my Birthday and in-between we have London Film and Comic Con, Hyper Japan and EGX Gamer Expo.

Happy Summer Holidays one and all :)

Years are changing faster than I can keep up!

In the last year and the last few years things have changed dramatically for me. I've wanted to kinda get this 'off my chest' for a while now.

Its always scary and seems like the biggest thing you've done, going to college, moving away to Uni. However when you have to join the adult world and everything in your life changes, literally everything that is the scariest thing.

So two years ago I was working towards finishing my degree. I had one more month to get it all wrapped up and then I had my end of year show and my graduation to attend (as well as the worse sun burn I have ever and will ever have!!)

Although I was 23 I did not feel like an adult at all. I was still a student and my future just seemed like a million miles off. I had been saying ‘Oh I’m a student getting a degree’ for years and years…. Then it was scary because within months I would have a degree and I would be chucked out into the adult world and made to work five days a week.

But here I am second job of my career. A job I actually really quite like (compared to the first job I had). My first job they knew and I think they could see I was new to all this and nervous and pretty useless at first.

Now I've gotten into the swing of things and I am treated like an employee, where I am now and not like a child. I also feel much more valued and in control.

So it’s scary to think where I was 2 years ago. 2014 is a big change for me. New job, new outlook on life and saving saving saving to hopefully have my own place by this time next year! I am so desperate now to get out on my own with Matt. Have my own space and my own life.

My inner self has also changed which is partly to do with my outer self. I go to the gym twice a week now. If you had told me that a few years ago I would have LAUGHED in your face. I avoided any conversation with the topic of working out and exercise. I was embarrassed I was so over weight and did no exercise at all. I did nothing to look after my body.

Now I eat much better and I work out as hard as I can twice a week for an hour. I am beginning to really see the benefits. Plus before that I swam twice a week for an hour each time from August to November. So in 4 months’ time I would have been exercising and looking after myself for a year! I didn't know I could have the dedication or motivation to do that! The way I view myself is much better and higher than it used to be. I felt fat and ugly and just a useless lump. I still have ‘lump’ days but now my confidence and self-esteem has sky rocketed. I am working really hard on my mental balance with this at the moment. Although losing weight has been a MASSIVE factor in this, when I stop losing and plateau the insecurities creep back and the confidence slips. I will not allow this again, and I will keep the weight off and just focus on looking after myself now.

Moving on to weight loss which is a massive thing to me... In my first year at Uni I put on 2 stone when I got a new car and learnt to drive. Laziness and the new found freedom to go and buy food whenever and wherever I wanted was obviously too tempting and I literally lost all confidence and love for myself. I started wearing baggy clothes and black, a lot of black. Clothes started to become a problem to buy too. I started to creep into plus size clothes and I never saw anything I liked. Although it is 'only' clothes, wearing things you don't like just to hide yourself begins to drag you down. You want to show off you and your personality and it's just hidden beneath so many negative thoughts.

So it was hoodies and clothes that I could hide in. I hated summer and enjoyed winter when I could pile on more layers. My doctor politely suggested if I could I could lose some weight and it was a kick in the bum. I started swimming, changed my eating habits and dropped 1-2stone. I got back to what I was more or less before I put on 2 stone. But it didn’t take long to get unhappy again and this 'change' didn't last long. Clothes were still a slight issue and I still felt like a ‘lump’ next to friends and family.

I hated it and when I was asked to be bridesmaid I was so excited to see my best friend get married. However the fear of looking for dresses washed over me quietly. The dresses that were picked were lovely, but they were WAY out of my comfort zone. I SQUEEZED into an 18 which was the largest size they did and when I looked in the mirror I just wanted to cry. I am grateful for the dress bought for me and I am touched and grateful to be asked to be a bridesmaid, but the insecurities that I had just torn me apart inside a pure fear of wearing something that showed off everything I hated about myself rather than hiding it was terrifying. So I got it in my head a panic to lose 51lbs before the wedding. I did really well and lost over a stone in a few months but hit a massive road block with Matt. That was hard enough and I stopped losing weight alas. It gave me enough confidence to feel less fearful of showing parts of my body I hated off but it was still there in the back of my mind. (Although it was worth it to be Laura’s bridesmaid).

Over the next year I did a bit of ‘healthy eating’/dieting on and off and lost around 20-30lbs in total (plus the bit before whne i first started) and in August last year I just kicked it into full force. I was proud of myself and I felt amazing. I lost around another 1-2 stone. Anyway in total so far I have lost 5 stone. I have toned up and gained a sense of pride for my body. I don’t feel any different and when I look in the mirror I don’t see any difference either.

But I know there is a difference, I've gone from a dress size of around 18 to 14 or even sometimes a 12. My old clothes don’t fit and I have a new sense of style, I want to try clothes that I have always a avoided for fear of making me seem bigger. This winter just gone I rocked some jumpers and now I am dress obsessed. The outfits I always felt to ugly to wear and feel like I can wear them now and tbh I realise I could of worn them whenever I wanted to because in actual fact I was never too ugly that was all in my head. I can now go shopping and rather than not buying anything because nothing fits, instead it’s because I haven’t seen anything I really like or that it did quite suit me the way I thought. I have enough choice now I don’t feel the need to BUY IT BECAUSE IT FITS and then buy it 4x over because once I wear it to death I won’t be able to find something that fits that well again. There is a lot more choice for me now!

I have had a bit of a shopping SPLUR since the autumn. People may laugh but DAMN IT I’M ALLOWED I earn my own money now and I finally am buying clothes that I LOVE AND ADORE dressing in a style that I have always wanted to dress in but shyed away from because of my lack of self-confidence, plus there is much more choice for me now (and my old summer clothes no longer fit). I threw out most my hoodies keeping only a few to lounge around in and got in some skater skirts and dresses. I feel cute and girly now and I feel pretty with a quirky edge to the way I look. I finally feel the way I have always wished I felt. This is big for me after spending all my teenage years and most my adult life HATING every inch of myself and WISHING so hard to be someone else. To finally feel comfortable in my own skin and to have people online comment on my dresses and hair; the way that I look at other people I admire online just throws my confidence through the roof.

This is all come through self-confidence I found. I found mine from growing up, proving I could get myself well educated with a degree, prove that I can GET a job in design and do well at it! Then I the weight loss and looking after my body has allowed me to wear what I’ve always wanted to wear and be who I always wanted to be.

I do wish I could sit down with myself though and get this ‘loving your body whatever way it is’ message into my head years ago. I don’t regret losing weight and getting fitter, but I do regret how long I let myself hate me for just because I didn’t like my body.

However 2014 is the year I WILL GO OUT in the summer with no cardigan on and maybe no leggings on! It will be the year where I excel at my new job, illustrate more and sell my designs. It will be the year I pay off this DEBT that has been hanging over my head for years and years now and it will be the year where I FINALLY look at getting my own place. It will be the yeah I love myself and start my life.