Happy New Year one and all.

Ok so I am back at work. I haven’t updated in a while but I thought I would do my last post of 2012 as it is News Year’s Eve. I have no plans really, I am going to get a fairly early night with Matt tonight so we can get up early and go into London to go to the zoo and to Forbidden Planet. It should be great. We never really fancy doing anything NYE so we thought we would enjoy our day off together tomorrow as we are both at work today and I’m already tired and it’s only midday. I am starving hungry already bah. So we are planning on getting in and having a takeaway and curling up in bed. Then I will get ready fairly early tomorrow and venture into the London and go to the Zoo as the weather is meant to be nice. Sunny but cold and the best part NO BLOODY RAIN! Hurray.

I was so excited to have time off over Christmas, I ended up having Christmas Eve off so I had 9 days in a row off and it went so bloody quickly, I am not impressed. It was nice though even though it didn’t feel like Christmas at all. I guess all my life so far has involved me being in education over Christmas, so it was the first year that I didn’t break up for the Christmas holidays, instead I worked all the way up until the 21^st booo.

So anyway Saturday I cleaned ALL BLOODY DAY! And then went out for Chinese food with Matt and his Dad and that was lovely. Then Sunday was pub day with Gem and we exchanged gifts and Monday I went to see Laura for the afternoon.

And then of course it was Christmas day. I was up pretty early and unwrapped gifts at Matt’s and then unwrapped gifts at home.

I got some pretty cool stuff for Christmas.

UNICORN

Farsacpe Boxset

Star Trek Boxset

Rocketdog boots

Penguin hat and necklace

Benefit make up

Nail Varnish

Mustachio monster

Tiny Labbit

Panda Watch

Rocket Dog Boots

And lots of cool stuffs!

I also got a amazon gift cards and a Wallis one. I decided to invest in some black and white simple Vans and the weather at the moment isn't full on boot weather but it isn't dolly shoe weather either.

I wanted so Vans that were Lo Pro because I have a horrible habit of tripping up a lot on the ones with very thick soles and they feel a bit chunky on my feet! Anyway my friend has the plain black and white spot ones and I saw these and feel in LOVE!

They have stars on them and I LOVE things with star patterns, makes me very happeth!

I am really hoping they MIGHT come today as I ordered them on Friday but its doubtful with the bank holiday and that. But if they do I AM WEARING THEM TO THE ZOO TOMORROW. I might even be sneaking and see if i could get away with wearing them to work bwahah.  

After doing all the family mumbojumbo, I went out to Brighton with Matt on Thursday. We were worried with all this awful weather it would be a wash out but it turned out to be a lovely day. The sun even came out for us and it stayed dry! I went to the sales a couple of times last week but it was all a bit crappy. In Brighton however there was a fox necklace that was £27 down to £15 so I snapped that up.

It's such a cute little necklace I love it! and it's really bright vibrant colours so it stands out against my clothes which i like!

We had a LOVELY lunch too at our favorite pub and then went shopping and the Pier was open so we were happy and Matt won me an Omnom toy to go with my other one at home and I ACTUALLY managed to win him an android toy. I was very excited about winning it!

So I haven't managed to get any bargains really in the shops, but I did find my vans cheap and some Iron Fist sun glasses reduced from £25 to £6 BARGAIN and they are really cute too. I love the colours a lot!

So i get to finish at 4:30 today yaay! which is just over an hour away..... (I started writing this at midday and its taken me a while ahah)

Today has not been productive. But hey ho!

Thank god it's Friday..... UGH

So this was the week that I had been counting down the days until. AND NOW ITS OVER *weep*

It’s been a weird week, and I don’t deal with change and weirdness very well at all. Booo. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. So the plan was as follows, leave early Tuesday and see Mumford and Sons. Then wake up around 10am and gets Matts haircut and see the Doctor and generally potter around and then Thursday chill out and go to the hotel for around 2:30-3pm and get ready slowly and go the work Christmas party.

That did not really go to plan. So on Tuesday I got an e-mail from Kaplan international college about a job interview. Some of it involved designing books for children’s educational books which I was like ahhh I want to do that. So they rearranged the interview for the Thursday from the Friday and I had to be there at 10am. To be honest I really didn’t fancy going and I wasn’t sure about it at all but I thought, I REALLY have to give this a go otherwise I might regret it! I have to admit it wasn’t what I thought it would be like at all! It was really REALLY fancy like a proper high-class London job. Although I thought it was going to be a bit weird and dull it’s actually turned out to seem very exciting and manic it doesn’t overly appeal to me at the moment. It seems too fast paced and too manic and traveling to central London everyday just gives me a headache thinking about it. So I’m waiting to hear from them but I don’t think it is something I would want to do. But I think it was better to go and see than sit there forever thinking, ‘what if I had gone’. Then on the way home I had a voice mail about a job closer to home that pay up £25,000 a year :O WHOA! And they found me I didn't even apply! I really hope I can arrange an interview for there, it sounds good, although I am torn as I do like my job here and I really love the people! But I do like the sound of the one closer to home and it could be up to £7,000 more a year which could get me a flat! So I am hoping to hear from them!

So yeah that meant I was up at 7am and on a train into London at 8am UGH! No lay in for me. and I was still tired from the day before after seeing Mumford and Sons. Alas…. So anyway we then went around London a bit after the interview, headed home and grabbed some lunch and headed down to Horsham. By the time we got there and I popped to get some bits for the night I had like an hour to get ready. It was a lovely night though even though I wanted a peaceful and relaxing time I did have fun! And obviously it was really lovely to spend time with Matt.

I am now back at work today. As I was already in Horsham me and Matt got Breakfast and I was in the office by 8:30am! Most people didn't come in till 9-10am but it means I can go home at 5pm today rather than like 5:30 so that should be really nice!

HOWEVER I haven't even spoken about Mumford and Sons yet!

My friend managed to get this awesome picture of me 'rocking out' with my banjo. I bought 4 inflatable ones for the gig! LOVE IT! They played amazingly and they got the whole arena going and singing and dancing. I enjoyed every single song and Marcus is just exceptionally cute! 

The place went CRAZY when they did Lion Man and I was so happy they played Winter Winds as that is my favorite song!

Outside however the temperature had dropped to -4 and this thick fog had spread everywhere. It hurt to breathe in as it was SO SO ICY COLD! Although  I like that as it makes me feel all christmassy!

I found some pretty cool videos from the night on YouTube so they aren't mine but they are really good and have the cute bit where Marcus's button on his shirts keeps coming undone.

Speaking of Christmas too I can't wait to paint my nails glitter red (I paint them this colour all through December but I wore a pink dress last night so I had to take it off) tonight BECAUSE I GOT NAIL STICKERS!! Christmas ones! On eBay they were £1.40 and they have reindeers and snowflakes. They came yesterday and I have been DYING to try them! I am super excited!

I attempted candy cane nails last week! I love doing christmasy things!

I was pretty pleased with them. Last year I tried to do all my nails like that, but it got kinda messy so I just did the one! I am so happy it is Friday and I have two days off because I feel like death at the moment! I hope the afternoon goes really quickly because I don't have very much/nothing to do all afternoon. BOOOOO. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET 5o'clock come as quickly as possible so I may SLEEP!

Ma coat related rant.

I am really quite annoyed tbh. That coat from ASOS that I fell In love with has been nothing but a disappointment. The lining has again split. For some bizarre reason it also makes my left arm unbearably painful that when I have been out I have been forced to take the bloody thing off. Seriously my arms today after wearing all day yesterday and my left shoulder are killing me. I guess it just doesn’t fit right which is really bloody annoying.

It really is such a shame. I really really loved it! D:

I have found one in TopShop, but I may leave it and just wear my one from last year as I’m not 100% sure about the TopShop one and if I leave it a month or few weeks they will probably put it in the sale!

Plus the TopShop one is £75 and is more of a jacket than a coat. Poooo. Why the first year that I have money can I not find a coat that I truly love! Boo hiss.

The one from last year though is pretty new tbh. I only wore it a handful of times. It was £85 and I got it in the sale for £36 and I have vouchers as it was just after Christmas. Its lovely and really practical. Machine washable (I think) long, warm, has ties inside and a MASSIVE HOOD! Really everything you would want and need in a coat. FUCK IT I will just use that!

The Asos one is defiantly going back. I am so disappointed in it boo hisss. I kept saying I WILL LOSE 2 STONE AND IT WILL FIT. But it might not as its tight on my back and arms! And what if I don’t lose weight esp with Christmas coming up! Not a great time of the year to lose 2 stone.

Now my silly coat related rant is over it is now FRIDAY WOOO! And the weekend should be a calm one, I have very little planned which is the way I like it now a days! Just a bit of pub times and some cleaning! WOOO exciting!.

However there are still 20 minutes left of today that I have to get through that I DON’T WANT TO DO UGH!

On a plus side I have work Monday then a half day on Tuesday where I will be seeing Mumford and Sons WOOOOO and THEN AND THEN TWO WHOLE DAYS OFF and the Christmas party on the Thursday! Then it will be so SO close to Christmas I could poop with excitement!

Anyhoo I has to pee now and I should do some work that I am paid to do. My concentration on a Friday afternoon is so shit!

Onwards and upwards BRING ON THE WEEKEND!

Toria gets some fancy Make-Up

Ok so it is Monday again. BOOOOHOOOO. The weekend come and goes so bloody quickly it makes me sick. Alas. Although I am excited for this time next week because I will be doing Monday then a half day then TWO WHOLE DAYS OFF. Then I come back on Friday and then I work another week and one day and its then CHRISTAMAS. Where I have a total of 7 days off would have been 8 but I was kind and offered to work NY eve so no one else had to do it. BLAH! Ahhh well it’s only one day then Tuesday I have off and then its only 3 days until the weekend again HURRAH!

Not tomorrow but the following Tuesday I will be seeing Mumford and sons. Eeep. I wam dead excited. I can’t wait; I love that band sooo damn much! Seriously! It has come around so SO insanely quickly too!

My new coat caused me some issues last week. I put my hand through the arm hole on Wednesday ready to go out for Lunch and all the lining inside had split. I was NOT impressed at all. I quickly had to borrow money to buy a new one as they were in the sale for £56 rather than the £70 I paid (yes this also pissed me off) So I ordered a new one, (last one in my size in stock) and it came Friday and I sent the broken one back on Saturday so I am hoping £70 will appear in my account by the end of the week. I hope so anyway! On the plus side I felt that the left arm was a little squiffy and was shorter than the right arm and now that isn’t an issue on the new coat. Still is making my left arm really hurt but hey ho  :(

I did however have a pretty lovely weekend. My granddad hasn’t been that well for a while and had a bad turn a week or so ago. So my Grandma hasn’t really been able to get out the house much and she needed a few bits from Croydon and I offered to take her in. She said we could look for some make up for me (as that is what she was getting) and she would treat me. I wasn’t sure about it but I tried Benefit and I LOVED IT! Then my Grandma was pretty much like we will take it all thanks. It came to £99 -£20ish for her makeup brush she wanted too! I nearly passed out. I felt awful taking that much money off my Grandmother but she insisted and I really really do love the make-up I picked.

So I got a foundation, foundation brush, Primer and a blusher. They smell sooo good too >.<

My face is a little scary in that photo but my skin looks really nice. My Grandma kept telling all the ladies at the counters that she was with her granddaughter and she seemed to really enjoy the day out. I really enjoyed it too :D

My eating healthy was going well until I stuffed my face last night with pizza D: I lost 2lbs last week and I was really excited. But I will start again today and carry on. Hopefully I won’t go crazy and order Dominos at 9pm at night. Although I now I have £10 credit on my account to get a free pizza as they fucked up my order. That will be hard to resist! 

Anyway it is nearly lunchtime now which is good as I am STARVING HUNGRY! And then I can start counting down the hours till home time which cannot come soon enough!

My new coat

Life seems to be going ok at the moment. Me and Matt have been really good :) I am really hoping maybe he can start to forgive me… perhaps?

I am on some MAGER healthy weight loss kick at the moment. I lost like 1.5stone in around a month back in January/February with plans to lose another 1-2stone by Laura’s wedding. Then all the bad stuff happened with Matt and I ended up eating complete shit and actually putting on around 7lbs.

I’ve been trying to do it again and I have on and off. I’m down to 212lbs ish and I want to get below 200lbs by the end of Christmas and I have a good motivation now. ….My new coat ahah.

Ok so the idea behind this coat was that I wanted THE PREFECT COAT this year. Being a student pretty much all my life has restricted me to buying sale items or Primark or ‘Cheap’ items and this year I wanted the perfect expensive coat that I know will last a few years rather than falling apart after a few months now I have quite a well-paying job,  and I found it, £70 and only available in plus size (which had sold out and would most likely of been too big) and Petite and being almost 5ft8” I am not petite (which is 5ft3” and below.) I may have been ok with a plus size 18, but I was pretty sure as I wear a 14-16 in most shops for coats it would have been too big. Then I found out the girl modelling the coat was 5ft6” and I decided to just give it ago and it came on Friday…. I was 100% sure it wouldn’t fit, but it did pretty much. It’s perfect all-round the body I wouldn’t want it any bigger, the issue is the arms and back, it is quite tight and my left arm seems tighter and actually gets really achy when I have it on… strange…. So it has now acted as a MASSIVE motivator to lose weight because if I can lose half a stone to a stone I think it would fit really nicely. I had dresses that used to cut into my arms and across my back that are now a bit big so hopefully if I try really hard, by Christmas it will fit a bit better J and by January it will be perfect! I hope anyway, it’s not way too tight, and I can move and rive ok in it, it’s just the achy arm that is a massive pain in the ass.!

It really is so pretty and perfect for my body shape and my skirts that I wear. I think it is quite classic so I could wear it again next year! I just hope so much if I lose some weight then it will fit perfectly!

Anyhoo, the weekend was over and done with way too quickly and I really need to sleep. The drive to work this morning was dangerous as I really couldn’t keep my eyes open on the motorway I was that tired. I don’t have much to do today which is a right pain in the ass…… I have a bit to do later and I will have quite a lot to do the rest of the week, but I hate slow days like this when there is nothing really to do D:

Well in about an hour it will be nearly lunchtime and then I can start my count down of the day to home where I will have my healthy BBQ chicken and zoo animals and peas for dinner. Yummy. 

Last weekend and its the weekend tomorrow WOOHOO!

I had such a nice weekend last weekend! Me and Matt went to London on the Saturday to the mega bloks day they had in Forbidden Planet. We were way too early, I was told they would hand out goody bags when they opened in the morning at 10am and then the actual thing started at midday. But they didn’t hand anything out until midday…. So we pottered about and got a coffee from the Christmas coffees at Starbucks. I just generally enjoyed being with him. The event itself wasn’t very spectacular, it was pretty much a man from mega bloks building a mega bloks toy thing for 4 hours. So went went off and looked around other parts of London town.

Went to Matt’s favourite T-Shirt shop, although they didn’t really have anything and also looked around a few other places then got some food too as we hadn’t eaten since breakfast and it was about 2:30-3pm.

We then went back to forbiddon planet to see if they guy had finished the model in the 4 hours, he had not and I bought some comics and Matt got a T-Shirt and we made our way home.

Got in around 6:30pmish and I fell asleep till 10pm and had some food and then fell back asleep which I am annoyed about as I wanted to spend the MOST amount of time with Matthew as I humanly could! However I have been unwell all week and I was too tired and sniffly to fight the sleep.

Sunday was annoying as I took Matt to work as it was raining so hard in  the morning. They told him he couldn’t have the Sunday off too, yet when he got there they were over staffed and the shop was dead, so Matt came home earlier and that was nice…. Still would have been better if they had been more competent and let him have the day off in the first place!

Then Monday morning I was so dizzy and just felt so shit I stayed at home, Matt also had the day off which was great as we spent ages laying in bed and I thoroughly enjoyed it! We watched Star Trek, popped to the café down the Valley and had lunch and then at Midnight went and got his new Halo Xbox. So I doubt I will speak to him much for the next week ahah. It’s ok as I am going out tonight to see Aimee…. Yaay.

I think things are ok between me and Matt the moment. Things feel nice I think, I’m always waiting though for it to plummet down again and my heart to break again…… but oh well. Hopefully he can forgive me in time and hopefully he won’t leave me In February because I love him more than the world…. Alas.

The rest of the week has been pretty crappy. I am really struggling with this work work work thing. I’m sort of thinking whats the point of being alive if this is all I do with myself. I work to afford things, like I could work all year to afford to go on holiday for a week. What the fuck is the point of that. Ah well, hopefully this will go away with time and working will get easier.

I have loads of time off over Christmas which I am super pleased about. I am having a half day on the 11^th to then get up to London to see Mumford and sons. Then I have the 12^th and the 13^th off to spend with Matt and get the Christmas presents sorted and what not. Then I work for a week and 2 days and then it’s Christmas day and I have the 25^th – 30^th off and I offered to work the 31^st and then I have the 1^st off! YAAAY, I’m so excited for December to come, time off Mumford and sons and Christmas. It’s my favourite time of the year!

Anyway it is the weekend tomorrow and I cannot wait. This one will be a slow and chilled out one and I am going to be really exciting and clean the room and wash all the clothes! I cannot wait till Lunch time I am getting hungry. Only an hour to go D:

The weekend is long gone now.

It’s Monday again. OOOooooOoooh. Mondays are the worst. There’s that IMPENDING DOOM AHEAD of a whole 5 days until the weekend again. Ugh. Last week went by insanely fast. I like coming in and getting on with a bucket load of work. It makes the day zoooom by and it is interesting, but today I have very little to do.

I do however have Saturday to look forward to, as Matt has managed to get it off. HURRAh! I’m so excited to spend a day with him and we will be going up to London to Forbidden Planet for the Halo Mega Bloks day.

I got a really nice jacket at the week and some amazing nail polish.

I went shopping on Saturday to get some jumpers for work and instead got a jacket lol! It was way too busy and manic in Croydon on Saturday to think straight let alone shop! So I found this jacket/coat in H&M and I’m glad it fitted as the back of their coats are usually way too small for me. It was £35 and it has a real Sherlock Holmes feel to it to me anyway with the pattern! I only own massive coats or just hoodys and I thought it would be nice to have something a little smaller for when I got shopping or just to the pub and a MASSIVE HEAVY coat is necessary! 

I also tried some Model’s Own nail polish at my friends house when I went to my party last weekend and was so impressed by it I had to go and buy some! They didn't have the one I wanted, but I got a purple, baby blue ( which I plan on caking with glitter so it looks like snow and ice) and a disco ball one that looks like glittery confetti!

I’m going to go at lunch to boots and see if they have the other colour as they are 3 for 2 at the moment so for £10 I get three really really good nail polishes!  I’m not sure they will have that range as only the bigger store seem to have them but fingers crossed!

I have also wanted to show off the boots, skirt and scarf I got last week. 

The boots I super nice and were from Tesco and the Skirt has tiny black swallows on it and is a skater skirt style. The scarf is HUGE and is covered in moustaches and both of those are from New Look. 

I really enjoy the fact that I do have some money now and I can buy some bits and pieces that I like. I try not to go crazy with spending my money as I owe so much and I don’t know how long I will have this job for, but it’s nice being able to buy some new bits and pieces and not wonder if you will have enough money to eat in the week.!

So yeah got a few new bits! And the impending doom of the week ins ahead of me. But before I know it, it will be Saturday again and all will be good.

So goodbye for now.

The weather is shit

My god this week has been so so so BUSY! Tuesday I had to get loads of work books finished and completed and out by the time I left, that did not happen and I didn’t get home till 8:30!! JEEZ! Then on the Wednesday I was busy doing another work book that was needed to be completed done and bound with feedback sheets by lunchtime today. I did that! And it’s gone and now this afternoon I don’t have very much to do! Which is nice as it isn’t stressful, but at the same time it makes time go very slowly! Only just got back from lunch I usually eat around 12:30ish and take lunch around 12:45-13:45 but I took it from 13:20:14:20 which is kinda good as it means there is less afternoon and ON TOP OF THAT I got in 10 minutes early today and that means I can leave at 17:05 wooopa! And then tomorrow is the LOVELY LOVELY weekend.

I have no real plans for tomorrow or Sunday. Might see Gem I guess on Sunday. Might just have some ‘me’ time on the Saturday. Got to go Reigate for 1pm and then I may go on into Croydon. I really want a new bag and I’m not really sure what I want. So I think I will go and have a look around….

I saw an amazing iPad case on Wednesday and now I highly regret not buying it. It was Marvel and all old comic book style. Might keep my eyes peeled for that too!

I’m not feeling overly happy this week. I guess the realisation that me and Matt aren’t getting better has hit home. I want to so much and sometimes I feel that he doesn’t want to. I’m sure that’s not the case but meh. I am truly sorry but that doesn’t seem to matter. And I’ve pushed all my friends away so I’m pretty fucking lonely half the time. I go to work, come home, and go to work. Le sigh.

At least I won’t have to go to work. Instead I get to sit on my own for two days.

Anyway I’m depressing myself.

I better crack on with the few bits I have to do this afternoon. Only just over 2 hours of the week left. Hurrah.

Ma Partay

I had a really nice Saturday this weekend. Work last week was manic and I had so much to do. But that was good as it meant the days flew by! But I have loads to do today and tomorrow.

Saturday I got up real early and went and took Matt to the station and then went to spec savers and got the contacts sorted out! Dailies seem  to be working much better for me than monthly ones. I then drove straight to Croydon and was there by 10:30am and it was really quiet and very pleasant shopping on a Saturday as usually I go in the afternoon and it is way too busy and hectic. 

 I had a very good shop too and got some lovely bits. The jumper to the right, I've always wanted a tacky Christmas jumper and now my dreams have come true and for £12 too so it wasn't even expensive. I cannot wait to wear that out at Christmas time! WOOOPA! 

Then I went into New look and found a LOVELY skirt and I tried it on a it looked great which made me very happy. It’s hard to find skirts that I love. Usually I hate the pattern or the shape is completely wrong, but this one was exactly what I like and I also bought a Moustache scarf! I will post a picture of them up when I am next wearing them!
I then went for lunch and a look round Redhill with Gem and then picked Matt up from work and headed over to Cat’s house to have a night with the girls from Uni and a little birthday thing…. BUT THEY ACTUALLY THREW ME A SURPRISE PARTY.

 It was soo soo soo cool and there was a party table and balloons and a banner and food and drink! It was sooo nice! And then they got me the coolest gifts. They all went and got me a bear hoody that I have wanted forever and Aimee drew me a pillow of all the amazing things that I love the most. It made me completely speechless which is something that is very hard…. It was amazing and it was all so thoughtful!

We then ordered Pizza and ate too much, watched some TV played with balloons and just had a really really nice night! I had to leave about midnight as I was falling asleep I was so tired, but it was fun and I was really touched they would go out their way to do that for me.

Sunday on the other hand was pretty shit. Had a MASSIVE HEADACHE, weather was awful and it was boring and long and I wasted half  the day asleep. Ahhh well, and now it’s Monday again and I have a whole week of work ahead of me. Boooo….

Toodles.

IT'S THE WEEKEND

Ok so  I’m exhausted again D:

I stayed up way too late and watched Dexter, it is amazing though. I feel sad that I am not currently watching it. Also watched new Red Dwarf last night. Its terrible, but I think that’s what makes it soo good! :D

I still have over an hour and a half left at work. I like it when it goes past 4pm because for some reason that last hour just always feels nice, y’know home time is fast approaching and especially today as its Friday yaaaay!

I’m going out today, me TORIA out on a Friday night…. Yes it’s true. Going to see some friends from Uni should be nice. I worry about matt as I know he isn’t in a great mood today and I am praying that he won’t get real upset if I go out tonight. I know he gets lonely when I’m not there :/ but I do miss my friends….

I’m going to see Fee on Sunday, very excited as I haven’t seen her since March or April woooo!

I might be a pig for dinner as I’m starving and just cannot be assed to cook anything!

Anyhooo not long till the weekend now!

My birthday and France.

I’m going to start this post with a list of complaints.

1.  I fucked my thumb nail. It split half way down my nail in the actual nail bed and I tried to ‘fix’ it and now I have a stubby thumb.
2.  My hand is super sore. I have this Calais/dry skin on my hand and I have started to cut it away and file it when it gets quite big as it also gets very sore and making it smaller seems to help. This time it has made it 100x worse.
3. I’m exhausted. I went swimming and then stayed up and watched Dexter way too late.
4. I’m not watching Dexter and this makes me sad. What I would give to go home and watch that all day…   pfft.
5.  There’s still one more day left after this one D:
6. This time last week I was in France >:|

I could go on but I will stop….

On the plus side I am seeing Fee on Saturday and RedDwarf is on tonight.

So France went really well and I had a lovely time. Exhausted on the first day with the traveling and the fact I only got about 3 hours sleep >.<  Had a DELICOUS breakfast in the airport at Frankie and Bennys…. MANY NOMS. Then realised I hadn’t packed a change of top, I was all FUUUUUUUUUUU! Really annoying I was so busy fart assing around getting ready I forgot to pack a bloody change of top…. Got into France around 2pm and went to the food place to buy food for the week, flight was quick and the weather wasn’t too bad.

The evening was nice, ate Pizza I kept falling asleep and we started watching Dexter and it is amazaballs. Like seriously, I’m hooked! Then on the Thursday we went to Anger (On-Jay) and had a DELICOUS lunch and did and bit of shopping and I found an H&M HURROAH and bought a new vest top…. YAY CHANGE OF CLOTHES! Go all that way and that’s all I bought! Again just had a relaxing evening and then on Friday got up late and went to the zoo! It was amazing they had penguins, tigers, lions, leopards, snow leopards. I also got attacked and pecked by some evil bird with a massive long evil beak! The zoo was lovely and was made to feel more like you were walking around with the animals rather than staring at them through bars. The weather on Thursday and Friday was amazing 24 degrees and sunny!

Then on Saturday we had a chill out day. Matts Dad and Julie went out and we played with the dogbot and watched Tv and napped.  It was very nice! And then on the Sunday we flew home. Got back by 3pm and had dominos for dinner.

Then it was my birthday on the 

Monday. Had a nice day with Matt even though it was raining all day…. Went to Croydon and had Poppin Café for Lunch and returned stuff and bought stuff. Stone chipped my windscreen which sucked ass. Then I threw myself a party with the Mr Poes and cooked party foods and watched lots of Dexter with Matt :D

Matt got me a beautiful Hello Kitty Neo figure, I got a Hello Kitty Liberty Tes Set, a dress, two bracelets, Vans, jewellery box, gloves, earrings, scarf, purse and nail varnish! 

Then on the Tuesday didn't do much cause I had to wait in for Auto Glass but eventually went to Lakeside where I bought amazing pajamas. 

Hello Kitty from Primark, they were a little more than I would spend but I had my monies from my birthday.

So yeah now I am back at work and that week I have been so excited for, for over a month has just gone….. pretty sad really D:

Onwards and upwards though :D start focusing on Christmas wooooooooooooooooooo

Toodles xx

France Tomorrow!

OOOOK so I am super excited as I am off to France tomorrow WEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEE! This time tomorrow I will be in an airport eating breakfast noms! I believe we are going to a place called Anger, and then perhaps a French zoo!

I looked up Anger and it is beautiful looking! I am in looove!  Looks amazing, and of course the idea of going to a zoo excites me greatly :D I do love Zoo’s and I hope to the gods above there are penguins AHHHH PENGUINS, are my ALL TIME favourites!

Yesterday I had an idea and I created this little avatar of myself. It needs editing and perfecting but this is the start of it! I think it’s pretty cute tbh! Might use it in my banner when I’m done! Perhaps I could work on it at lunch time? Maybe ahaha…

I’m really pleased with it though! I think it is really quite cute and kinda looks like me? Maybe I hope anyway! Lol.

I feel today at work is going to be quite a long day and I am hoping it will go much quicker than I think it is going to go, I’m already starving hungry, I hate the mornings before lunch I get soooo hungry D:

I’m almost done packing and finally finished all the washing this morning! UGH! I hope the stuff dries by tomorrow morning! I will have to hang them by our teeny ting radiator otherwise and hope for the best! Then after that just silly little things to pack and my sister is going to dye my hair today and it’s all good! :D I belter crack on with this InDesign work!

Dresses, and France in a few days YAAAAAY

Ok so after work I did decide to go shopping! I found pretty much nothing. Boo

It took me like 1-2 hours to get there as I got stuck on the M25 so by the time we got there we only had about an hour pfft! I did however find this super cute top, It's a peplum top with cute little owls on it and it has a cute peter pan collar!

I then went to Crawley with Gem on Saturday and found nothing again, it was WAAAY TOO busy! So today I decided to rick it as I am desperate to get some cute bits for France! I CAME INTO LUCK and I found lots of things!

I got this dress in a burgundy, its lovely and from primark £13! Bargin, looks sooo nice. I also got this snood that was £4 and is MASSIVE! Like seriously massive! and a new cardigan for £6 as I do love Primark cardigans even though they get holes and lose thier shape they are so soft and cheap!

I also go this stripe dress. I thought, nooo stripes make you look wider, but when I put it on I was like WOWZA I LOVE IT! I think with a colour cardy and a nice big scarf it will look so cute! This was also £13 in Primark!

Then I found this is NewLook. They did not have it the last few days when I have been hunting! It's super cute and only £17. Its sooo silky soft and I love it, its more purple than red like the other one! It will go very nice with my new snood!.

 

So I am really excited now as I am going to France in 2 days and I have amazing things to wear! AND I FEEL so cute in them, which is what I wanted, and surprisingly they are all really nice lengths! I can't wait to wear these, and we are there for 3 whole days and then 2 half days so I have an outfit a day :D wooohooo.

I believe we are going to Anger and also going to the Zoo at some point too! I think I will take an extra dress in case we go out for dinner, well if I can squeeze it in my hand luggage as that is all I am taking! Matt most likey wont take much so maybe i'll squeeze some in his mwuahahah!

I am feeling much better about myself and things today, even though I have the worst possible headache ever.

Anyways toodle pips and goodnight x

Might get me some dresses!

So I have been thinking about this whole I HATE EVERYTHING own clothes wise conundrum. I think the problem is with wearing hoody’s and stuff, it makes me feel quite frumpy and unattractive. I want to feel and look more girly and pretty. I know a lot of it is to do with my lack of confidence…. But I feel nice in dresses and I would like to wear them and tights and boots and be all wintery and stuff. I don’t want to wear hoodys and leggings all the time anymore! Even when I go shopping with friends I feel dead frumpy and blaaaghhh! I don’t want to feel like that anymore! At the same time I feel too gross to be pretty in a dress :/ I just can’t win ahhhhhh…..

Still. I’m going to go shopping tonight to try and find some cute bits and bobs to wear and I would like some new stuffs for France! I want to feel cute and not like a porker! I want to wear nice things! Baaah

I don’t even know why this is always such an issue for me. I found the cutest dress on Asos though, it has ducks on it and I want it :D

So I’m going to WIZZZZ home and eat lasagne and then WIZZZ to Lakeside with Matthew and drag him dress shopping >.< I may get a burger king…. Maybe I do quite fancy it. BUT THEN I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT! God I just love food too much!

I am really hoping to find some nice dresses!!

I’m also super hungry now and there isn’t very much for me to do for the next 45minutes, hence why I am writing this blog entry…..

I went to see the film ‘Dred’ last night, well that’s what I thought it was called, and it was HURRENDOUS. It was DISGUSTING, seriously it made me feel pretty sick…… blegh! Not ma sorta film, Matt seemed to thoroughly enjoy it though, I spent most the time hiding under my scarf it was that nasty!

Ok so anyways theres only 25 minutes max left of work and I am SUPER READY for the weekend bring it on!!

I'm not very well at the moment D:

I felt so unwell yesterday I got to work half hour late and was sent home half an hour later! >.<

Waste of an hour and half drive to and from. But I didn’t want to call in sick as I have a holiday booked next week and I felt bad, I didn’t want to ruin my chances of getting to keep this job here! Things have been soooo quiet for the last two weeks and I am worried that there will not be enough here for me to stay D:

I’m hoping to get some noms with Matthew tonight and then go see a film :D probably shouldn’t as I still don’t feel too well and I need to sleep but I really wanna get out and spend some time with Matt! I still feel crappy about what I wear and I can’t seem to find anything that I feel I look nice in :/ boooooooo! I know it’s all in my head and I am a little crazy about things like this but meh…. It’s so annoying…. I should just wear what I feel comfortable in, but instead I spend way too much time worrying about what other people may or may not think about me….. GAH I’m so frustrating and it gets worse when I’m upset, and I am not feeling that great about the whole me and Matt situation at the moment!. Booooo

I sobbed in the car yesterday afternoon, I then sobbed in the café while trying to eat my lunch… He breaks my heart and there would appear there is nothing I can do about it D: I wish I could go back in time; I would do anything to go back in time to change things…. Maybe we would even be looking forward to a wedding soon, or looking at flats. Instead he sees no future with me. And it makes me so sad because I’m still me; I’m still Toria, the girl he feel in love with. I just made a shitty mistake that I will regret till the day I die…. Alas.

So when I get sad like this I focus on stupid things like the fact I hate everything I wear and own! And I am feeling such hatred for myself today. Blegh.

Theres still an hour and a half of work left and I cannot wait to get home….. it gets so stuffy and cramped in her, I hate sitting still for so long in one little room :/

I don't feel well

Ok so things aren’t feeling fantastic right now. Just wish me and Matt would work soo badly. I love him to pieces and I wish he still felt the same back D:

AHhh well I guess I will just wait and hope….

Anyway. Finally thought of gifts for my birthday. I’m getting Mumford and Sons tickets from my nan and this really pretty skull dress from my sister.

It’s super nice and it was in the sale online. Would appear I got the last one in my size too as they are no longer available. I thought it was really cute.!

I did meet up with Laura at the weekend. I got these amazing Penguin slippers in Primark!

 They are so cute, she picked some bits up in Primark that I liked for my birthday too so that will be cool…. I dunno what Matt is going to get me. At the moment I don’t want anything. I feel so unwell today. Seriously I feel like I am coming down with a stinking cold…. Seriously its horrible. My head and throat are killing me…. D:

The weekend was quite nice, had a very relaxing day on Sunday, just chilled out and had roast dinner with my mum and Dad…. I’m tempted to get Dominos pizza AGAIN, I eat it way TOOO MUCH. Like about 6 in the last two weeks. I’m such a pig ugh! But I feel awful and light choices ready meal just ain’t going to cut it today.

I also got this skirt yesterday, I won it on eBay and I completely forgot and I love it! Got it for like £2 or something silly like that! It’s perfect for work and pretty comfy, the waist band is a little annoying but meh….

Anyway, I am debating whether to ask to go a little early as I feel awful, but don’t know if that takes the mick! My shoulders have started hurting too now. Awwwwwwwwww I just want to go to bed and I still have to pick Matt up.

I am sooo emotionally drained…… I don’t want to do this anymore with Matt, but I do not know what to do. Maybe I should talk to someone, but at the same time I don’t want to, when I feel like this I just want to be alone and speak with no one… ever. Ugh…

I want my bed.

Life isn't fair

Today is awful. I feel awful. My throat hurts and my head and my heart feels like someone tore it out again. Things get a little better with Matt and EVERYTIME, I’m stupid enough to think hey this is it, this is the end of all this awfulness. But instead I find out he has no plans to have a future with me, and he is going to give it till February to see if he can get over it. If not I’m gone. So yeah. I have 4 months to wait until he splits up with me. Obviously I’m not enough because surely after 8 months he would be feeling better by now. So I will plod along for 4 more months. Suffer through Christmas and the winter, and then I guess we will go our separate ways in February. I thought, I BELIEVED that this would sort itself out. I really did. Now I don’t. I’ve lost all the will I ever had to fight and now I will wait for February to come and I will be alone. I guess as it should be. I’m so drained. I don’t know what to do or what to think……. Today at work feels horrible, I can’t even musta the energy to move, let alone work all day… I just want to cry. I always want to cry now…. I don’t really remember what it feels like to be happy and to feel loved. Because I don’t believe that he loves me when he makes me feel like this.

Today has been a long day.... but the week has flown by!

Ohhhh my, today is a long day I swear. This week has just been so quiet. Seriously I’m even very sure what to do with myself. I have literally been working on the same InDesign files for DAAAAAAAAAAYSSSS now. Ugh… It’s quite frustrating just repeating yourself again and again. Lunch was fairly productive. Bought some fancy pants purple shampoo which I am super excited to try and also got my watch battery fix yaaay!

So I might go swimming tonight, I’m quite excited I love swimming!! And I love swimming with Matt woo! Theres a water slide and all sorts there so it should be good.! I haven’t been swimming in aggges and I’m am worried my hair will go green, but I’m sure I’ll be ok :/ eek…

I cannot wait to see Laura this weekend! I’m not sure what the plans are but anything is good with me!  As long as it’s relaxing and just spending some good time with a friend.

I have gotten back down (an a teeny bit) to the weight I was before I ate 3 dominos pizzas and harvester….. So I happy about that, although now I would kill for pizza. UGH. Ahhh well just 4lbs to go and I will be at the 1^st target I set myself before I go to France! Wooo! I think I should be able to do it. I hope anyway….

 Downloaded Babel, and it is AMAZING, seriously I is beautiful! I can’t wait to listen to it on the way home tonight!

Anyways, only half hour or so left so I better crack on with the nothingness I have to do!