The perfect dress

I found the perfect dress. I really did and I am so pleased with it! I wanted to get something perfect for my Grandpa’s funeral. I wanted it to be something that he would of gone, ‘yes I like that a lot!’

I have black clothes, but all of them have been for work and although I have a few smart dresses (all have patterns on of some sort) it just didn’t feel special enough… All the items that would have been ok to wear I only own because I had to get them for work so I never really liked any of them like I do my own clothes.

So I ordered a dress online and I wasn’t blown away by it… Matt suggested we went and had a look so last Friday after work, very reluctantly as I was exhausted we headed off to Lakeside. I actually ended up having a lovely evening. It was one of those shopping trips that ended up being really productive and satisfying and I kind of wish we could do it again tonight but there would just be no point.

I got some cardi’s from Forever 21, upon getting home I realised the black one was much shorter than the other two I got and was a little bummed out about that, then I also realised my blue had a hole in it at work on that Friday so I thought ohh good both of those can go back.

We also tried the new KFC pulled chicken burger. It wasn’t great.

We had a long mooch around forever 21, but that shop is just not made for people of my height. Then we came out of there and Matt convinced me to go to House of Fraser, even though I insisted I  couldn’t afford it! At the back as I almost gave up in there we spied a Yumi section (I do love Yumi dresses) I had spotted a Yumi dress online but it was £50 alas…. It was only £48 in store and then Matt found a card that said 20% off for students! Yay having my sisters student card! So I tried it on and I have to say it was perfect. Its not plain but the detailing on it is subtle and is just so elegant and feels lovely and feels like a dress my Grandpa would be proud of. We ended up getting it for £38, which although was more that I wanted to spend as I am trying to save up, it was worth every penny.

(please excuse the glum bum face)

I just thought it was gorgeous, and I am so glad Matt made me get it! I am dreading Tuesday no and at the same time looking forward to it being over with. The idea that it will all be very final and real upsets me but it must be done and at least I will feel  like my Grandpa would be proud of me!

I’m going to pair it with my TUK heels and a little black bag so hopefully I will look the business!

At least it is the weekend now, because I feel like I need to sleep I am do drained at the moment!

On a more exciting note, I have finally reached my ultimate goal! I have lost exactly 6stone altogether and 4 stone since I started myfitnesspal! I’m now done with my diet and im going to start to find a routine to maintain this weight! I’m proud of myself and this also doesn’t really feel real but fingers crossed I can keep as this weight!

My weird relationship with coats.

I’m going to write a more cheery post today. The funeral is booked for 16^th September so a week on Tuesday. I feel very much like I am in a limbo type place. Not really sad, because I haven’t said goodbye yet but not quite right as I know the time to say goodbye is coming.

But I thought I would do a little post update anyhow. So I wanted to share my new coat. I have a real issue with coats. Last year I bought 3 D:

THREE coats it was ridiculous. The problem was is I rushed in a bought one that didn’t fit that great; I then rushed in again and bought another one I wasn’t 100% sure about. These were mistakes as, as I have learnt I should only buy something if I am 110% happy with it and how it fits. I then bought one from ASOS in January, again I was never 110% sure although this fitted well the material ended up being very uncomfortable, there was also no fur on the hood which is something I really wanted and it was probably a little too big as when I tried it on again this year it I am swimming in it.

Actually it was technically 4 coats ahah, but I got a really fancy Hell Bunny coat for my birthday but this is a special fancy going out coat which I plan on making sure I wear much more this winter!

Anyhow, I was going to try and make do but then I saw one in topshop and just fell in love. I decided to get it as a birthday gift. This was back at the beginning on August and as it was selling out in a size 14 quite quickly from what I saw I picked one up and popped it on my credit card and it has sat in my room for now just in case I spied a better one when the autumn winter clothes were realised.

I popped to pick up a dress I had ordered from new look for the funeral and on my way in a spied another coat that caught my attention. I thought no no I won’t try this one I have mine, its much nicer but then I though ahh maybe I’ll have a quick look. I put it on and the fit was just perfect, it made me realise that perhaps the topshop one may not fit as well as I would of liked. It zips up rather than big buttons at the top so I have more breathing room in it and an option to unzip it slightly I get too hot. The fur is very impressive (although not as nice as the topshop coat). I decided to buy it take it home and compared it. On first glance I thought no, no the topshop one is much much nicer, and I still feel this way on first look when it’s on a hanger, but then when I put it on the New Look one just looked so much nicer. It hangs nicely much more fitted and complementing, it’s longer and the zip feature is great much better and more comfortable than buttons that only do up round my neck. Much as I adore the topshop one I thought, no, I have to go with the more comfortable one because that really does make or break it for me, and I DO NOT want to end up not wearing it again. The other thing that played at the back of my head was that it wouldn’t look so great with hoodys and more casual looks whereas this other one I think would go nicely with dresses and hoodys and even my PJ bottoms when I go to tesco :p

SO the first coat is going back. I feel like this is meant to be as I only have a few more days left to return the first one!

Anyway that was very long winded but I am very excited to wear my coat now, and I’m welcoming the cooler weather (after my birthday as I can’t have it until then)

Excuse the terrible photos!

TopShop Coat

New Look Coat

And then I also found a little gem on Saturday. We popped into Redhil so I could get a vest top. Walking past a shop called Street Talk I spied a dress in the window. Now street talk was where I bought my angry grunger stuff when I was a teenager so I was surprised to be buying something so delicate and lovely in there. I went in found it and tried it on. Little disappoint there was only a S/M but thought it looked like quite a large small medium so I tried it on and it fitted like a glove. It very quickly came home with me! I know what I will be wearing when I go the weekend before France. As you can see it is covered in little birds and palm trees!

Anyway coat caffle done with, I am now very happy and I am also very glad it is Friday!

My Grandpa.

I am going to attempt to write this post in one sitting, but we shall see how it goes I guess.

On the bank holiday weekend my Grandpa was taken into hospital with internal bleeding. He was been pretty ill now for over 2 years. Things seemed quite dire at one point and there was talk of serious ops and all sorts. Being the medical mystery my Grandpa is he managed to get better and on the following Saturday (less than a week after he went in) he came home with recovery on the horizon. I didn’t worry too much as I know he is a strong man and he just wanted to get home!

However this Sunday I woke up to a phone call from my mum. He had passed away that morning after he came home. By the sounds of it, it was exceptionally quick and I am just happy he got to go home and have his pipe and his beer. He got to spend the night watching countdown with my Grandma and he was at home, his home he had lived at for I believe almost 40 years.

My Grandpa was a very kind man, he was also exceptionally smart I always used to tell people that he was the most intelligent person I knew and I looked up to him a lot. He had a naughty sense of humour and every time you gave him a kiss hello or goodbye you got bristles scratching your face and a damp cheek from where he smoked his pipe something I will dearly miss. I have so many fond memories of him as he was such a character he did things his own way I know that when the pain of losing him eases when we are together as a family there will be hours of laughter when we remember back to some of the eccentric stories we have of him.

I have never lost a close relative, and the feeling is just as bad if not worse than I had imagined. The last two days I have been very teary going from getting on with life and then have a good weep or sob. Today I am exhausted and I don’t think I would even have the energy to cry anymore, which scares me as it’s only been 3 days since he has passed. If I feel this awful now how will I feel in two weeks’ time?

My Grandma is very much in my mind at the moment. She is being looked after and supported by the family, but she has lost her world really. Almost 65 years they were together, and I loved to watch them banter and talk. You could always see this love between them that never faded ever even when my Grandpa was winding people up with his teasing!

So I’ll end it with Rest in Peace Grandpa. I want you to know that I am grateful you were in my life as I grew up and I always admired you and looked up to you. You will always be the big strong exceptionally intelligent man I remember and I will continue to tell people about you proudly as I feel sorry that they never got to know you. It will never be the same without you ever. But thank you for the love and all the generosity that you gave and I hope that one day I will see you again.

Love Toria