Last week was awful

Ok so I am doing an update for the worst week I’ve had in a very very long time!

So I posted a little about Matt not wanting to marry me or anything which still truly breaks my heart. Then I asked my Mum and Dad to get me a loan as I wasn’t approved for one AGAIN. They pretty much spent a few days having a go at me and shit, which was not appreciated. They took it way too hard and freaked the fuck out. My mum claimed she couldn’t sleep and ugh I wish I hadn't bothered. Then they sat down on Saturday and added it all up for me which I have already done so that fucked me off and came to the conclusion I could just save up £800-£1000 a month and pay it off in around 7 months. That is not what I wanted to do. I wanted a loan ffs. I have things like tyres and car insurance and shit to get before then and Matt’s birthday. So by the time I have saved up to pay that shit off and saved up money for a flat it will most likely be 2014. So that’s another fucking year stuck in Matt’s bedroom. Ugh kill me now.

Then to end my fantastic week snow came (this excited me) then the woman in charge here told me to pretty much get advice on what to wear at work. This made me sob and she doesn't seem to realise that it was hurtful the way she said it and singled me out. She says she didn't but she bloody did when she did it in front of people and I had NO IDEA that she wasn’t happy with the way people are dressing at work. If she had called me in alone and said your dresses are lovely but maybe little short for work I would have been like ok. But instead she belittled me and patronised me and ultimately humiliated me and she made me get so upset. Ass.

So I went out Saturday (did order a dress on tesco but it was cancelled as it sold out) and got a few tops from Primark and a skirt from Marks and Spencers. I hate it all. I feel terrible in it! I think it will motivate me to eat healthier cause I don’t wanna go buy more things to wear just because I feel uncomfortable. It’s Monday and a New Year and its better late than never. I have kinda started my healthy eating but I keep falling off the wagon. But now I WILL NOT! I will do this I swear. I want to do it for the summer!

So anyway I am job hunting like crazy as I really wanna get something that’s either closer to home or better pay and not here. Then I can really start to save towards my goal of paying off my debts.!

Le sigh.

I’m so frustrated. I want to start my life. Marriage, my own flat and getting rid of these massive debts that I have run up. These are the road blocks that I face. Matt doesn’t want to marry me. He says he wants to stay with me but this will be it now. No future no husband no kids. No one will give me a loan to consolidate my debt so I just keep paying large amounts of interest on all my debts but pay nothing off. And then I just can’t seem to afford a flat. I don’t even have any money behind me. I am going to start saving now. I started last week but I haven’t done amazingly at it. But from this day onwards I will only be spending money I have to spend. I would like to put AT LEAST £300-£500 a month away. It will be hard but I think I can do it. I worked out WE HAVE TO SPEND around £950 a month. Between me and Matt at the moment we earn £2,200ish possibly a bit more. That is £1,200ish a month that we spend of crap. That’s food and going out and clothes etc. If I did manage to put £300-£500 a month away I could pay at least half of this crap off in around 4 months…. And then in the next 6 months perhaps I could look at moving out maybe? I hope so anyway. I wish I would of started saving back in August but oh well lesson learnt again.

I guess with Christmas coming I have just enjoyed having money and not having to scrimp and save every bloody penny.

I must waste so much money of food too. £44 this week got me a week of food, lunch, breakfast and dinners. I then have wasted around £20 on two take aways. I dunno why I keep doing it. I have been good though. I sent back that bag and bought a new one for £6 instead of £50 and I’m not going to buy the Unicorn dress I want…. Because let’s face it I have 101 dresses and I never get to wear 90% of them (excluding the ones for work, but I don’t enjoy wearing them as I am usually going to work) and ok I only have a few dress I like to ‘go out’ in, I only go out about once a year so that doesn’t really matter. Cinema and shopping evenings I will put a stop to. Now and again will be ok but, only now and then. I will maybe buy some popcorn and 65p drink from tesco and watch films with Matt. That would cost around £1-£3 rather than £10-£30! That’s a pretty massive saving! And if I do that loads I could easily save money! I’m sure of it!

So Yeah I’m feeling pretty flat at the moment. I want everything to be better, but instead I have FUCKED my future up at the moment.

Today at work has been pretty shit. I haven’t really had much to do the last week and it makes the days go so slowly. I wish I was busy all the time. I would really rather be busy busy than spending large portions of my days doing nothing or trying to find things to do.!

Anyway there is only 25 minutes left (of just over) of the day I can’t wait to get home. Well I can, I just like sitting on my own at the moment, so I can’t wait to sit alone in my car for 45 mins on the way home.

I’m not feeling great right now and I’m pretty heart broken :(

Many bargains

Ok so we are a week or just over into 2013. My healthy eating has gone a bit shit. But after getting on the scales and seeing I put on like 10lbs it seems to have kicked me in the butt. I kinda hope I’m still a bit bloated from xmas cause THAT IS A LOT to put on. Bah. So the last 2 days I have been starving hungry all day but hopefully that will get better as time goes on.

I have also done some MATHS and worked out that a flat at £700 a month would be a lot of monies >.< THUS I have decided to start saving up money to start paying off my debt as I owe WAY TOO much money and this making a problem for me being able to afford things and stuffs. SO I HAVE PLEDGED NOT TO BUY ANYTHING! Although I was little naughty at lunch as I bought a new dress for work…. Although I don’t count this too much as it is for work and I really did need some new work clothes! Plus is was £28 reduced to £10 WOOOPIIE.

However in the last week I have bought 4 dresses that have cost me a total of £44 and £22 was spent on a gift card that I got for Christmas. In total they should of cost me £143 so I saved £99 :o I’m so chuffed with them.

Dorothy Perkins - £35 to £7

 Oasis- £48 to £12

Fusion - £28 to £10

Dorothy Perkins -  £32 to £15

I’m so pleased with them as they are all nice too! They aren’t what I would usually buy, but they are great and perfect for work and would be great if/when I get a new job and I might have to dress a little smarter than what I have to wear now.

I was also naughty and bought this bag…. It was expensive at £49.99 and I CANNOT DECIDE IF I WANT TO KEEP IT OR NOT! D:

It’s cute and by crowded teeth and Loungefly.

However I can’t decide if I love it or hate it! Is it super cute? Or kinda ugly? i just can't decide BAAAH!

Today i feel awful, the last hour or so i have such a bad headache and I'm SOOOOO VERY HUNGRY! 

Anyway its nearly home time thank god and tomorrow is Friday YAAY!